We may think that problems just automatically show up in our lives, but they don’t.
Oh, I am not saying that problems don’t blind side us and appear unexpectedly. Of course they do. And I’m not saying that we consciously invite difficult situations into our lives. But we are wise to remember that, on some level, we draw into our lives the problems that we encounter. We are creators of our own personal issues. How does this happen? How do we draw problems to ourselves? Here is an explanation for you to consider.
First of all we form a belief system about ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us, then we adapt to it. Next, we try to behave within the boundaries of those beliefs about our self and how we fit into the world. In conforming to this belief system, we draw on many judgments of both our self and others. Using these judgments we, in turn, make choices. Problems are then drawn to us by virtue of the way we perceive, judge and choose.
When we perceive behavior, or the outcome of some activity that does not conform to our way of believing we judge it as objectionable. It’s a problem. On the other hand when actions and behavior conform to the belief about who we are and how be fit in the world then a positive judgment is made.
Lets say that a landlord wants his rent by the fifth day of the month. The renter is already two month behind, and tells the landlord that the rent will be paid in its entirety, but another month’s time is needed before he can put the money together. The renter, Tom, acknowledges the problem, and immediately blames the landlord for the lack of empathy, and the unwillingness to be patient.
Tom feels guilty about his problem because he was raised to believe that bills must be paid on time, and people should live within their financial means. As a matter of fact Tom has criticized a couple of his friends who he claims are in debt because they spend more than they earn. One friend has obligated himself to huge car payments, while the other is deluged with credit card debt.
How was Tom’s problem created? Tom brought this problem to himself. He created it. Tom has predisposed himself to financial problems and more specifically the issues presently developing with the landlord. He has surrounded himself with men and women who perpetuate high-spending lifestyles. He and coworkers are struggling for recognition. Most desire a promotion; an admirable professional title; and a higher salary. He works in an office inundated with shakers and movers. All of who are hell-bent on demonstrating that they are “money.” To a large measure these co-workers are flagrant spenders.
Tom not only finds the behavior of debt-ridden friends; competitive co-workers; and insensitive landlord to be unacceptable, but somewhere deep down within his self he realizes that he is the source of his own problems. He realizes that he is incessantly in pursuit of acceptability. This knowledge intensifies his frustration, because it increases the level of guilt that he carries.
Tom is in a pickle. On one hand he believes in the values that were espoused by his parents, but on the other hand he rationalizes his thoughts and behavior with the idea that his parents lived in a different time. Life was easier for them. Simple values were more applicable when his parents were younger; things were more black and white. They enjoyed more freedom, and experienced less stress; and were not judged as harshly by friends and peers. His justifications are tethered to the idea that his parents did not have to live in a world that was as demanding as the world is now. They were not burdened with the idea that they must continually prove their acceptability. Tom has convinced himself that he has no choice other than to live what his parents call a “charade.” If he wants to be successful, he must demonstrate that he possesses the spoils of success. Hence, he obligated himself to the foreboding situation with his landlord. Toms says that this so-called “charade” is in fact his reality.
This whole attitude in which Tom spends his day is congruent with causing and perpetuating his problems.
Like Tom, most of us learn from our earliest years on, to determine good from bad; and right from wrong. More profoundly however, we learn to differentiate the acceptable from unacceptable. Then, we organize our thoughts and activities so we are perceived as acceptable. Often otherwise good and righteous behavior must be trumped by actions that elevate one’s perceived acceptability. Tom’s self-promoting actions are created out of the desire to be judged by others as acceptable. More specifically he wants to be perceived as a savant amongst his peer group and career competitors. Any input that challenges these aspirations is viewed as a problem. Vigilantly, his self-image is guarded.
After continually making judgments based on pre-determined beliefs about our acceptability and how we fit into the world, we then habitually repeat, with slight variation, an automatic way of behaving.
Tom feels guilty because he is behaving in a way that inconsistent with values passed on by his parents, however the contradictory behavior is predictable because his desire for acceptability overrides the inclination to conform with learned values and beliefs.
Tom continually contradicts his beliefs. And, he denies that he does so. He rationalizes his contradictory actions by convincing himself that if you want to have money, you’ve got to look “money,” and he says he is just walking his talk. His self-talk provides the needed justification for living above his means. It promotes the identity that he is so ardently trying to project. Defining who he is, in a large part by his home address, gives Tom a needed edge in sustaining the perception of one who is earning a high income. It gives him prestige and makes him feel like he belongs to more acceptable group.
Our identity is defined by boundaries that mark the limits of our reality, and retard our ability to enter another reality. So our perceptions and judgments are confined within those boundaries. Thusly we may live an entire life with only a glimpse of the Divine peace and freedom that lies beyond the limits of our self-promoting thoughts. So we continually roam the same reality, with the same thoughts, in search of a way to justify who we are and how we fit in the world.
A dog confined to the boundaries of the back yard will eventually revisit and reinvestigate every inch of that space. Like the pet dog, we roam a territory confined within the limits of our own reality. Because we remain within the established boundaries of our reality, we do little more than revisit the thoughts that we have previously entertained. We rehash the same thoughts and project the same point-of-view. And, this is why we repeat old patterns over again. We become very predictable in the choices we will make. Thusly we draw into our lives problems that fester because this mental confinement.
It is difficult for us to get beyond our own self-confining perceptions and judgments. Like the dog that eventually finds himself over again in one particular spot or another, similarly we find ourselves re-roaming the same mental and emotional turf. We process our thoughts through an established conduit of preprogrammed parameters, an end up presenting the mind with the repeated expectation to process the same issues, concepts and thoughts. We judge present situations just like we did prior situations. So, our choices seem to be determined automatically. This repeated pattern of choices causes the same problem to surface over and over. It may manifest itself in a new way, or with a different person. But all the same, each problem grows from the same source root.
We may look for a way out of particular problems by jumping from person to person, relationship to relationship, friend to friend, and job to job. We may look for a way out through spending money. It’s not uncommon however to discover that the next romance, person, job, activity or purchase is not the way out. Why? More next time.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Self- Awareness, The First Step
The first step to guiding a person through a self-awareness program is to bring to mind the self that a person has learned to identify with. We do this by first of all allowing the mind to bring up whatever it will about the self. We learn to make no personal attachment to our thoughts, and rather allow all thoughts to both rise and fade as they will. We also learn to accept all thoughts without the preference to deny some while acknowledging others. All thoughts are given equal acknowledgement. None are slighted.
It is very easy for the ego to get stuck in denial. It has an overwhelmingly strong tendency to become defensive about questionable matters of self. But the practice of self-awareness must be conducted in the capacity as an observer. In other words we sit quietly and allow thoughts to move freely without any personal attachment or ownership. Just as
If we are willing to remain open to the truth, this first step in reaching self-awareness will provide the venue for recognizing how we have formed a self-identity. If we remain true to the practice it will give us valuable insight into the reality that we have empowered to govern our lives. We will gain extraordinary insight into the underpinnings that fortify of our physical, psychological and emotional issues.
This first step to self-awareness is also the initial step to true self-freedom. It is the first step on the journey to true love and happiness. It also leads to the next step; which is acceptance. You can read about the self-acceptance step in an upcoming Love Letter. ~Don
Friday, July 24, 2009
Blessing by the Buddha
May every creature abound in well-being and peace.
May every living being, weak or strong, the long and the small
The short and the medium-sized, the mean and the great;
May every living being, seen or unseen, those dwelling far off,
Those near by, those already born, those waiting to be born;
May all attain inward peace.
Let no one deceive another. Let no one despise another in any situation. Let no one, from antipathy or hatred, wish evil to anyone at all. Just as a mother, with her own life, protects her only son from hurt, So within yourself foster a limitless concern for every living creature.Display a heart of boundless love for all the world. In all its height and depth and broad extent, Love unrestrained, without hate or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, sit or lie, until overcome by drowsiness Devote your mind entirely to this, it is known as living here life divine.
The Zen Circle - a circle drawn in a single fast stroke by a human hand. The roundness and perfection of the circle in a single unthinking act shows great practice on the part of the artist however even the most perfect zen circle has a beginning and an end representing the transition from life to death. But nonetheless the circle goes around. And what is the circle without the space that it encompasses and the space which encompasses it? Inside the circle is nothingness, inside the circle is the universe, inside the circle is the magic of life and death. - Source Zachary Miller
Let no one deceive another. Let no one despise another in any situation. Let no one, from antipathy or hatred, wish evil to anyone at all. Just as a mother, with her own life, protects her only son from hurt, So within yourself foster a limitless concern for every living creature.Display a heart of boundless love for all the world. In all its height and depth and broad extent, Love unrestrained, without hate or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, sit or lie, until overcome by drowsiness Devote your mind entirely to this, it is known as living here life divine.
The Zen Circle - a circle drawn in a single fast stroke by a human hand. The roundness and perfection of the circle in a single unthinking act shows great practice on the part of the artist however even the most perfect zen circle has a beginning and an end representing the transition from life to death. But nonetheless the circle goes around. And what is the circle without the space that it encompasses and the space which encompasses it? Inside the circle is nothingness, inside the circle is the universe, inside the circle is the magic of life and death. - Source Zachary Miller
Love Letters From Don: 7/24/09
A wonderful quote by George Washington Carver – “Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.”
Printed below are a few prayers for those seeking healing, peace or blessing. These prayers come from various religious traditions and speak to heart of every human being.
Prayer For Times Of Adversity
I think over again my small adventures. My fears, those small ones that seemed so big, for all the vital things I had to get and reach. And yet there is only one great thing, the only thing, to live to see the great day that dawns and the light that fills the world. An Inuit Indian Prayer
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may Not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Guided meditation available over the telephone. Send an email. For one-to-one Life Coaching and Spiritual Guidance either via telecommunication or person-to-person send an email. I will respond. Many Blessings - Don
Printed below are a few prayers for those seeking healing, peace or blessing. These prayers come from various religious traditions and speak to heart of every human being.
Prayer For Times Of Adversity
I think over again my small adventures. My fears, those small ones that seemed so big, for all the vital things I had to get and reach. And yet there is only one great thing, the only thing, to live to see the great day that dawns and the light that fills the world. An Inuit Indian Prayer
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may Not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Guided meditation available over the telephone. Send an email. For one-to-one Life Coaching and Spiritual Guidance either via telecommunication or person-to-person send an email. I will respond. Many Blessings - Don
Friday, July 17, 2009
Getting Yourself Unstuck – Initial steps
Certainly all of us at various points deal with issues and circumstances that cause us to be locked onto certain distressing thoughts. It is as if some souring event or person crawled into the mind, then explosively ignited our emotions.
When this occurs the mind keeps churning the same obsessive thoughts, and subsequently more thoughts are linked to the original ones, and neither the original nor the accumulating subsequent thoughts seem to leave. The result is we feel stuck. The host situation and the aggregate collection of thoughts and feelings associated with it linger on and on. This causes us to feel stuck both emotionally and physically. And consequently, we outwardly portray that which is distressing us because the toxic residues from these obsessive thoughts are manifested in both our bodies and minds.
I can remember situations in romantic relationships, my career, financial matters, in my ongoing relationship with friends and numerous other circumstances and encounters where my mind became stuck and did not know how to move on. Someone would be quick to give advice on how to move forward, but the advice usually was processed then ignored. Usually sound advice was sidestepped because it could not dissolve the emotional glue that held my mind to the problem. Not so easy to understand, but never the less true, the thoughts that perpetuated the problem won out over the advice that others would offer.
I found a way to rationalize that advice from a third party was overly objective and insensitive to all matters that projected an influence on the problem. The concerns that I was holding in my mind became emotionally charged, which strengthened their sticking power. Then because of this magnetic intensification of emotions, the attraction of more thoughts escalated and intensified.
I have learned that we need not allow ourselves to become stuck on concerns and situations that cause us grief, sadness, depression, or loneliness. We need not get to the point where we are tormented, frustrated, or anguished. Rage, anger and distain can be sidestepped. We can learn how to transcend the resentment and bitterness that is being silently or overtly directed toward others. We can also learn how to stop blaming ourselves. We can learn to be unstuck.
Here are a few initial and vital baby-steps to becoming unstuck.
Quiet your mind and body with meditative concentration on an innocuous object. This could be the thought of a cloud, flower or the awareness of each breath that enters your body.
Observe the mind. Just like you would watch a movie, just watch the thoughts that enter your mind and realize how these thoughts attract certain emotions and feelings.
Avoid a react to the thoughts or feelings that arise. Just let them do what they do one their own, without either your involvement or reaction.
These initial three steps will give you an idea of how the mind operates on its own without any intervention. It is a control agent, and thusly will automatically take control of what and how you think; which in-turn controls how you feel physically and what you experience emotionally. Also, the mind is not unlike a sponge.
It will automatically absorb what ever it is that it is applied to. Apply the mind to a certain thought and it will begin to absorb related thoughts and feeling. So the bottom line is that the mind is a control agent, and the way it controls you is by your choice of whatever it is that you overtly or passively will it to absorb. Observing and understanding this fundamental realization is the basis for beginning a shift in the thoughts that move through your mind, and in that single realization is also the potential to change your life. This initial step in Self-realization opens the first door to getting yourself unstuck. ~DB
When this occurs the mind keeps churning the same obsessive thoughts, and subsequently more thoughts are linked to the original ones, and neither the original nor the accumulating subsequent thoughts seem to leave. The result is we feel stuck. The host situation and the aggregate collection of thoughts and feelings associated with it linger on and on. This causes us to feel stuck both emotionally and physically. And consequently, we outwardly portray that which is distressing us because the toxic residues from these obsessive thoughts are manifested in both our bodies and minds.
I can remember situations in romantic relationships, my career, financial matters, in my ongoing relationship with friends and numerous other circumstances and encounters where my mind became stuck and did not know how to move on. Someone would be quick to give advice on how to move forward, but the advice usually was processed then ignored. Usually sound advice was sidestepped because it could not dissolve the emotional glue that held my mind to the problem. Not so easy to understand, but never the less true, the thoughts that perpetuated the problem won out over the advice that others would offer.
I found a way to rationalize that advice from a third party was overly objective and insensitive to all matters that projected an influence on the problem. The concerns that I was holding in my mind became emotionally charged, which strengthened their sticking power. Then because of this magnetic intensification of emotions, the attraction of more thoughts escalated and intensified.
I have learned that we need not allow ourselves to become stuck on concerns and situations that cause us grief, sadness, depression, or loneliness. We need not get to the point where we are tormented, frustrated, or anguished. Rage, anger and distain can be sidestepped. We can learn how to transcend the resentment and bitterness that is being silently or overtly directed toward others. We can also learn how to stop blaming ourselves. We can learn to be unstuck.
Here are a few initial and vital baby-steps to becoming unstuck.
Quiet your mind and body with meditative concentration on an innocuous object. This could be the thought of a cloud, flower or the awareness of each breath that enters your body.
Observe the mind. Just like you would watch a movie, just watch the thoughts that enter your mind and realize how these thoughts attract certain emotions and feelings.
Avoid a react to the thoughts or feelings that arise. Just let them do what they do one their own, without either your involvement or reaction.
These initial three steps will give you an idea of how the mind operates on its own without any intervention. It is a control agent, and thusly will automatically take control of what and how you think; which in-turn controls how you feel physically and what you experience emotionally. Also, the mind is not unlike a sponge.
It will automatically absorb what ever it is that it is applied to. Apply the mind to a certain thought and it will begin to absorb related thoughts and feeling. So the bottom line is that the mind is a control agent, and the way it controls you is by your choice of whatever it is that you overtly or passively will it to absorb. Observing and understanding this fundamental realization is the basis for beginning a shift in the thoughts that move through your mind, and in that single realization is also the potential to change your life. This initial step in Self-realization opens the first door to getting yourself unstuck. ~DB
Friday, July 10, 2009
Mental Movement Through Thought Traction
When bringing up thoughts about past events, encounters or situations we are often absorbing the mind with restrictive thinking. When dwelling on past occurrences, the mind will inevitably dredge up thoughts that are rooted in comparisons. We will compare what did happen to what we wanted to happen. We will compare the situation we are in with the situation we want. We will compare who we are with whom we want to be. All of these comparisons restrict the mind from experiencing clarity, and pureness of the present moment. A mind cluttered with restrictive thoughts cannot do what it is designed to do - to be creative.
Creativity blossoms when the mind is allowed to experience the moment in its pristine state. Thoughts that are rooted in yesterdays’ experiences will sooner or later bog the mind down with sluggish, slow, low energy movement. This sluggishness causes the mind to struggle. Struggle induces resistance between opposing situations - the one we want and the one that we have experienced. Resistive thinking causes the mind to dwell on thoughts that are repeated and re-circulated. So once we dwell on a past circumstance, moving away from the thoughts that focus on it become ever so difficult. At this point our feelings are elevated to the point of critical mass. We become anxiety ridden and then torment ourselves with stressfulness. Often frustration and anger set in.
If you would like to reduce the anxiety and stress in your life and avoid getting caught up in a cycle of repetitive restrictive thoughts, then here are a few things you can do to get yourself moving along the right pathway. Keep your mind in the moment by practicing mindfulness. Do this by sitting quietly and observing the thoughts that come to your mind.
All thoughts have a source and are perpetuated with some sort of resolution in mind. As you observe, try to determine both the source of the thought and what would have to occur in your life for the thought to go away. Then mentally visualize yourself clipping off both ends of the thought pattern. Remove from the thought any resolution that you have in mind. Also, remove the source of the thought.
Once you remove both the source and the proposed destination of the thought then the mind will detect that there is no reason to keep the thought. It no longer has no root or destination. So, sit quietly and mentally picture yourself cutting off both ends of the thought process, and then allow the thought to vanish. As a new thought arises do the same. Sit quietly and repeat this practice for five to ten minutes. Observe how your mind becomes so overindulged with thoughts that are caught between the way things are and the way you want them to be.
When repeating this exercise for myself, I also note the meaninglessness of a learned thinking process that dwells on the past. I am able to observe that my mind when dwelling on the past really has minimal capability in reaching a proper outcome. It is just too bogged down and over-encumbered with dredging up feelings and emotions that cannot provide the proper traction to reaching a suitable outcome.
The mind is like a truck and thoughts are analogous to the tires that carry it. The past is like a thick clayish sludge in which the truck tires sit. When we dredge up yesterday’s circumstances and encounters the mind cannot move forward because the thoughts cannot gain traction in sludgy anxiety filled occurrences of yesterday.
Try practicing this mindfulness exercise for five to ten minutes a day and observe for yourself the strand of thoughts that move though your mind. And as you do so, contemplate the thoughts that really control your thinking.
Do you control your mind or does mind control you? Is your mind automatically pulled to a certain situation or are you in charge of where your mind goes and what it focuses on? Are you moving forward in a fulfilling and satisfying way or are you spinning your tires in yesterday’s issues? ~Don~
Creativity blossoms when the mind is allowed to experience the moment in its pristine state. Thoughts that are rooted in yesterdays’ experiences will sooner or later bog the mind down with sluggish, slow, low energy movement. This sluggishness causes the mind to struggle. Struggle induces resistance between opposing situations - the one we want and the one that we have experienced. Resistive thinking causes the mind to dwell on thoughts that are repeated and re-circulated. So once we dwell on a past circumstance, moving away from the thoughts that focus on it become ever so difficult. At this point our feelings are elevated to the point of critical mass. We become anxiety ridden and then torment ourselves with stressfulness. Often frustration and anger set in.
If you would like to reduce the anxiety and stress in your life and avoid getting caught up in a cycle of repetitive restrictive thoughts, then here are a few things you can do to get yourself moving along the right pathway. Keep your mind in the moment by practicing mindfulness. Do this by sitting quietly and observing the thoughts that come to your mind.
All thoughts have a source and are perpetuated with some sort of resolution in mind. As you observe, try to determine both the source of the thought and what would have to occur in your life for the thought to go away. Then mentally visualize yourself clipping off both ends of the thought pattern. Remove from the thought any resolution that you have in mind. Also, remove the source of the thought.
Once you remove both the source and the proposed destination of the thought then the mind will detect that there is no reason to keep the thought. It no longer has no root or destination. So, sit quietly and mentally picture yourself cutting off both ends of the thought process, and then allow the thought to vanish. As a new thought arises do the same. Sit quietly and repeat this practice for five to ten minutes. Observe how your mind becomes so overindulged with thoughts that are caught between the way things are and the way you want them to be.
When repeating this exercise for myself, I also note the meaninglessness of a learned thinking process that dwells on the past. I am able to observe that my mind when dwelling on the past really has minimal capability in reaching a proper outcome. It is just too bogged down and over-encumbered with dredging up feelings and emotions that cannot provide the proper traction to reaching a suitable outcome.
The mind is like a truck and thoughts are analogous to the tires that carry it. The past is like a thick clayish sludge in which the truck tires sit. When we dredge up yesterday’s circumstances and encounters the mind cannot move forward because the thoughts cannot gain traction in sludgy anxiety filled occurrences of yesterday.
Try practicing this mindfulness exercise for five to ten minutes a day and observe for yourself the strand of thoughts that move though your mind. And as you do so, contemplate the thoughts that really control your thinking.
Do you control your mind or does mind control you? Is your mind automatically pulled to a certain situation or are you in charge of where your mind goes and what it focuses on? Are you moving forward in a fulfilling and satisfying way or are you spinning your tires in yesterday’s issues? ~Don~
Friday, July 3, 2009
Remembering your reality
God extends love, and He in no way recognizes the concept of unacceptability. God does not perceive in you or anyone, anything that is lacking. In His eyes no one is unacceptable. In love we are the extension of God made manifest in our human form. In love we are God’s likeness. Love, and you are as God is. In love we are one with God’s mind. When we extend love we are realizing what it is to share God’s presence. At that very moment we are recognizing our oneness with God. We are remembering who we really are. When love is present, God is present. When we are extending love we are expressing life in its true essence. We are realizing our unity with divine consciousness. When we share love or express love we are being as God is. In that very instant we are remembering who we really are and uniting with our reality.
~Don
¤¤¤BE HAPPY!!¤¤¤
~Don
¤¤¤BE HAPPY!!¤¤¤
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