MENING YOUR BROKEN HEART

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YOUR BROKEN HEART – CAN IT MEND?

Separation breaks the heart.

Separation caused by someone’s death or the breakup of romantic partners can cause unimaginable, lasting emotional pain.  The separation of a friendship can also be dreadfully painful.  When a child becomes separated from her parents, heartbreaking pain ensues.   The separation of those who were once bonded in love can create an enormous gap in our emotional well-being.  This gap fills with hurt and ache.

When the lover and beloved are no longer attached by the usual bond that connects them, then the heart suffers.  

This separation causes a stunning and entrancing aura to place considerable stress upon the heart.  When the heart suffers a blow, in a chain reaction, both the body and mind are also affected.   We do what we can physically and mentally to get through the growing dark emptiness within.  

Emotional pain is experienced as a child rebuffs his parents.  The connection that once held the child and parents together as an inseparable one is no longer bonding.  In such a case, both the child and parents separately retreat and deal with the suffering that arises within.

Separation arises in many forms.  Sometimes it arises through the actual physical loss of someone.  It often arises when people grow apart.  What was once important to both has become less so to one or the other.  The fabric of mutual commitment deteriorates and the love is gone.  Over again, throughout our lives we see that the bond of Love is put in jeopardy.  The circumstances that the loving relationship must endure, grow too powerful, and the heart absorbs the blow.

As much as a broken heart can cause a person to withdraw inwardly and become skeptical of loving again, equally as much, one can rebound and generate an insurgence of energy. This energy can then be directed to enriching one’s self-growth.

Often loving memories are encased in the hardened shell of perpetual longing.  We long for things to be as they once were.  We want the past to come back.  But, we all know how that goes.  It doesn’t.  So we have a choice; either use the present moment as a way to nourish new growth or use it as a way to drag around memories and regrets.  One is the source of sadness and stagnation, the other the dawn of a new chapter.  A choice is to be made.  Either live in misery, or use the energy from the misfortune to create a new contact with love. 

Here are a few tips on learning how to get beyond a broken heart.  Make the intention to let go of the longing for things to be as they were.

Secondly, redirect your energy.  Take the energy that lingers in sadness, and redirect it into mental pictures of rebirth.  Set the intention in your mind to replace self-pity with spiritual growth. 

Next, through guided meditation allow your mind to see relief.  And, allow your heart to experience the abundance that a new growing season brings about. 

Where longing is nurtured more longing grows.  The fruit of longing is sadness and mental sickness.   This fruit is not digest-able.  Where Love is nurtures, Love grows.  Love is digested with ease.

Getting beyond the longing, and the anxiety caused by separation can be so overwhelming that it persists and drives some people into a seemingly un-exit-able loop.  Things will never be as they once were.  But we can use the energy from all experiences to move forward.  And the life within those past experiences can be again made manifest in new growth.  That life can be again used as renewable energy, and made manifest in days ahead through loving actions.

Life is experienced through love, not longing.  Love  to you.  Don

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A love letter from Don

Thank you Jesse Langford and Dr. Cynthia Costa for your additions to the “Love Letter” mailing list. If any of you folks would like to have this love communication sent to someone, then please forward the email address(s). I’ll do the rest. I’m fixing the group address thing, so only your address will show on your email.


Cheri Feather: Sorry that your email address floated out into cyber space. I somehow deleted yours and some others. Welcome back.

What are self-serving motives?

The following article (Living On Purpose) refers to self-serving motives, and before you read it I want to clarify what I mean when making this reference. The world outside our self can cause us to become upset, dismayed or disillusioned. It can stir up stressful emotions: which cause us to act in a way that will attempt to make us feel better about who we are. Let’s say John feels anguished when becoming the brunt of another’s ill remarks. And so John wants to exact revenge on the offender. The thoughts of both parties, in this example, are raised for the sole purpose of protecting their personal acceptability. Either person is motivated, not out of love, but with the intention to selfishly serve their own ego-based desires. Our daily lives are full of examples demonstrating the control that self-serving motives exercise on the mind. The scope of examples is too vast to include more here, but if you want, you can perform an easy self -examination to evaluate your own reason for thinking and behaving in a particular way.

Here it is. Are my thoughts being guided by unconditional love? If the answer is “no” then somewhere in your thinking process you are wired into a self-serving motive. And thusly the purpose of your thoughts and actions will be to serve and justify that motive. db¤

Living On-Purpose

Are you living on purpose? Are you allowing the intention of Love to blossom within you? Are your actions guided by loving thoughts? Or, have you limited yourself to acting out of self-serving motives?


Sunday get together with coffee

If you would like to inquire about our Sunday morning get
together, please email me, and I will give you the scoop by return email.

“We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.”
- Buddha


What is our purpose?

The answer to that question lies in a single choice. It depends on which source of purpose we choose as our guide. If we live with a spiritual purpose then we allow our thoughts and actions to be guided by love. If we should decide to dedicate the purpose of our lives to fulfilling the desire for self-serving thoughts and behavior, then our lives will be guided by turmoil.

Accompanying this turmoil is the feeling of entanglement, meaning we continually feel like we are all twisted up in the restraints of solving a present problem or resolving a lingering issue.

Love, on the other hand, is accompanied by freedom. Freedom brings happiness and entanglement brings frustration, confusion and disappointment. So if you want to check and see which purpose is guiding you, then do an analysis. Ask yourself: Do I feel free? Or, do I feel restricted by turmoil, anguish, or frustration?


Patanjali (150b.c.) was a spiritual practitioner of Yoga. In traditional Hindu style, Yoga involves inner contemplation, a rigorous system of meditation practice, ethics, metaphysics, and devotion to God.

Patanjali said: “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bounds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

I believe Patanjali was referring to being “inspired by some great purpose” as that inspiration relates to spiritual purpose. When love is at the core of our actions, then creativity blossoms. Ideas just seem to appear out of nowhere. The mind is freed from restrictive thinking.

When we are committed to our spiritual purpose the Real Self is discovered. Our thoughts and actions radiate feelings of love and fulfillments, which both reflect and create additional thoughts and actions of the like.

When we follow our spiritual purpose, our karmic communication with the entire cosmos comes into perfect balance. We transcend ego-consciousness and actually become One with Spirit or Devine Consciousness.

And in this Oneness we experience the mind of God. We are One with the Devine. When our thoughts and actions radiate from this Mind, then we are living on-purpose. We are experiencing the freedom of Divine Life.

The call for Love is within everyone. To hear it we need only to allow the mind of God within, to connect with the mind of mind of God in Creation. We need only to return to being One with God. In Oneness with God we discover freedom. The mind is voided of restraining thoughts. Mental clarity is experience, and the recognition of boundless creativity fills our being. We feel turned-on, euphoric, enlightened. We experience a sense of self-reassurance. Something unrecognized and unexplainable grows from within, and we seem to be tapping into a part of the soul that was previously silent.

To a 100-level college physics class, the fuzzy faced college professor demonstrated a fundamental experiment relating to the electronic polarization of metal chips. It was a simple exercise but one that must have made an impact and lasting impression, because it has stayed with me for many years. Here is how the experiment was conducted. The professor placed a mound of itty-bitty metal flakes on a marble-top lab-table, and then by moving a magnet, he correspondingly caused movement in the bits of metal. The little flakes aligned with the electronic pull induced by the magnet. So the metal pieces faithfully followed the moving magnet.

Our thoughts react much the same as the tiny metal flakes. Thoughts follow the polarity force of the source to which they are magnetized. When we wave the wand of self-serving motives over the mind, selfish thoughts will accumulate. When indulged in self-serving thoughts, the only concern is drawn to satisfying the unsatisfied self. And so our purpose for living is manifested in the heap of itty-bitty thoughts, collected for the intention to make the self feel better, or more acceptable.

This same aggregate of thoughts is the cause of all inner torment, and feelings of emptiness. These tormenting thoughts need not control our minds, and can be rendered powerless. We do so by first choosing to deactivate the polarity of the force that governs those thoughts.

We may choose to follow a purpose that does not draw an accumulation of self-centered, troublesome thoughts. Rather, we may take a different approach and allow our thoughts to follow the polarity of Love-power. That Power is within all of us. By activating the energy in the mind of God within, we can also activate like energy in the thoughts that follow God’s mind. Allow Loving thoughts to marinade in the mind, and additional loving thoughts will gather. The “flavor” of our attitude and outlook will change.

In our home life, work life, social life, and romantic life, we are continually activating thought energy. Like those metallic chips, thoughts are being drawn towards the source that empowers them. Plug your thoughts into a source that tells you to give your energy, and thus meaning to a problem and guess what. That’s right! A magnetized procession of thoughts will follow. The addition and accumulation of like thoughts will give the problem more value, meaning and credence. And, you will become increasingly tormented by those thoughts.

A Buddha quote goes like this: “. . . our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.” Change your thoughts and you will change your life. Every thought is a seed. If you plant a crab apple tree don't count on harvesting golden delicious apples.

If the purpose a person’s life is satisfied by self-serving motives, then he or she will develop an appetite for thoughts that assure the satisfaction of those desires.

Choose Love as the purpose of life and be assured that the mind will be immersed in thoughts that attract love. Peace, joy and happiness will abide within. Forgiveness will come with less difficulty. Kindness and compassion will allow us to recognize the presence of God in others. Love will become more visible, and the shortcomings of others will become more transparent. db¤
BE HAPPY!

A love letter from Don: 1/21/09

What are self-serving motives?

The following article (Living On Purpose) refers to self-serving motives, and before you read it I want to clarify what I mean when making this reference. The world outside our self can cause us to become upset, dismayed or disillusioned. It can stir up stressful emotions: which cause us to act in a way that will attempt to make us feel better about who we are. Let’s say John feels anguished when becoming the brunt of another’s ill remarks. And so John wants to exact revenge on the offender. The thoughts of both parties, in this example, are raised for the sole purpose of protecting their personal acceptability. Either person is motivated, not out of love, but with the intention to selfishly serve their own ego-based desires. Our daily lives are full of examples demonstrating the control that self-serving motives exercise on the mind. The scope of examples is too vast to include more here, but if you want, you can perform an easy self -examination to evaluate your own reason for thinking and behaving in a particular way.

Here it is. Are my thoughts being guided by unconditional love? If the answer is “no” then somewhere in your thinking process you are wired into a self-serving motive. And thusly the purpose of your thoughts and actions will be to serve and justify that motive. db¤

Living On-Purpose

Are you living on purpose? Are you allowing the intention of Love to blossom within you? Are your actions guided by loving thoughts? Or, have you limited yourself to acting out of self-serving motives?
(Continued on the next page)

Sunday get together with coffee
If you would like to inquire about our Sunday morning get
together, please email me, and I will give you the scoop by return email.

“We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.”
- Buddha

Hello – I’m Don.

What is our purpose?

The answer to that question lies in a single choice. It depends on which source of purpose we choose as our guide. If we live with a spiritual purpose then we allow our thoughts and actions to be guided by love. If we should decide to dedicate the purpose of our lives to fulfilling the desire for self-serving thoughts and behavior, then our lives will be guided by turmoil.

Accompanying this turmoil is the feeling of entanglement, meaning we continually feel like we are all twisted up in the restraints of solving a present problem or resolving a lingering issue.

Love, on the other hand, is accompanied by freedom. Freedom brings happiness and entanglement brings frustration, confusion and disappointment. So if you want to check and see which purpose is guiding you, then do an analysis. Ask yourself: Do I feel free? Or, do I feel restricted by turmoil, anguish, or frustration?

Patanjali (150b.c.) was a spiritual practitioner of Yoga. In traditional Hindu style, Yoga involves inner contemplation, a rigorous system of meditation practice, ethics, metaphysics, and devotion to God.

Patanjali said: “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bounds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

I believe Patanjali was referring to being “inspired by some great purpose” as that inspiration relates to spiritual purpose. When love is at the core of our actions, then creativity blossoms. Ideas just seem to appear out of nowhere. The mind is freed from restrictive thinking.

When we are committed to our spiritual purpose the Real Self is discovered. Our thoughts and actions radiate feelings of love and fulfillments, which both reflect and create additional thoughts and actions of the like.

When we follow our spiritual purpose, our karmic communication with the entire cosmos comes into perfect balance. We transcend ego-consciousness and actually become One with Spirit or Devine Consciousness.
And in this Oneness we experience the mind of God. We are One with the Devine. When our thoughts and actions radiate from this Mind, then we are living on-purpose. We are experiencing the freedom of Divine Life.

The call for Love is within everyone. To hear it we need only to allow the mind of God within, to connect with the mind of mind of God in Creation. We need only to return to being One with God. In Oneness with God we discover freedom. The mind is voided of restraining thoughts. Mental clarity is experience, and the recognition of boundless creativity fills our being. We feel turned-on, euphoric, enlightened. We experience a sense of self-reassurance. Something unrecognized and unexplainable grows from within, and we seem to be tapping into a part of the soul that was previously silent.

To a 100-level college physics class, the fuzzy faced college professor demonstrated a fundamental experiment relating to the electronic polarization of metal chips. It was a simple exercise but one that must have made an impact and lasting impression, because it has stayed with me for many years. Here is how the experiment was conducted. The professor placed a mound of itty-bitty metal flakes on a marble-top lab-table, and then by moving a magnet, he correspondingly caused movement in the bits of metal. The little flakes aligned with the electronic pull induced by the magnet. So the metal pieces faithfully followed the moving magnet.

Our thoughts react much the same as the tiny metal flakes. Thoughts follow the polarity force of the source to which they are magnetized. When we wave the wand of self-serving motives over the mind, selfish thoughts will accumulate. When indulged in self-serving thoughts, the only concern is drawn to satisfying the unsatisfied self. And so our purpose for living is manifested in the heap of itty-bitty thoughts, collected for the intention to make the self feel better, or more acceptable.

This same aggregate of thoughts is the cause of all inner torment, and feelings of emptiness. These tormenting thoughts need not control our minds, and can be rendered powerless. We do so by first choosing to deactivate the polarity of the force that governs those thoughts.

We may choose to follow a purpose that does not draw an accumulation of self-centered, troublesome thoughts. Rather, we may take a different approach and allow our thoughts to follow the polarity of Love-power. That Power is within all of us. By activating the energy in the mind of God within, we can also activate like energy in the thoughts that follow God’s mind. Allow Loving thoughts to marinade in the mind, and additional loving thoughts will gather. The “flavor” of our attitude and outlook will change.

In our home life, work life, social life, and romantic life, we are continually activating thought energy. Like those metallic chips, thoughts are being drawn towards the source that empowers them. Plug your thoughts into a source that tells you to give your energy, and thus meaning to a problem and guess what. That’s right! A magnetized procession of thoughts will follow. The addition and accumulation of like thoughts will give the problem more value, meaning and credence. And, you will become increasingly tormented by those thoughts.

A Buddha quote goes like this: “. . . our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.” Change your thoughts and you will change your life. Every thought is a seed. If you plant a crab apple tree don't count on harvesting golden delicious apples.

If the purpose a person’s life is satisfied by self-serving motives, then he or she will develop an appetite for thoughts that assure the satisfaction of those desires.

Choose Love as the purpose of life and be assured that the mind will be immersed in thoughts that attract love. Peace, joy and happiness will abide within. Forgiveness will come with less difficulty. Kindness and compassion will allow us to recognize the presence of God in others. Love will become more visible, and the shortcomings of others will become more transparent. db¤
BE HAPPY!

A love letter from Don

Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot; it rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstance. 
- James Allen

Thoughts, Love and Happiness

Over the stretch of my professional life, I’ve guided numerous individuals in the pursuit of a both satisfying life and career. I have written manuals for high school and college students, along with training tutorials for college employees and managers. I led numerous leadership programs for both mid and top- management level professionals. All of these books, manuals, and seminars were intended to help those who were in pursuit of a higher station. My programs helped participants who were dedicated to reaching, at minimum, the next performance level.

“We are what we think”

A lifetime of helping others reach an advanced level of achievement Ü has gifted me with knowledge of a couple immutable truths. These are: “We are what we think,” and “The world is nothing other than a reflection of our thoughts.”

Everything in this world is given meaning and value according to how we perceive it. Author Anais Nin said: “We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

Many of us hold on to that pain

Many of us humans, see the world through thick smokey-grey layers of stained emotional perceptions. We have formed judgments of our selves and opinions of others based on pain that was doled out to us by those who were in charge of our survival during our earliest years. Many of us hold on to that pain. We first become used to it, and then use it as a reference point for perceiving the world around us. It forms our attitude and our basis for either accepting or rejecting the things and people that are external to our self. From the pain we learn to value our perceptions and infuse reality into our judgments.

The seminars that I once conducted for both students and management employees alike, were centered on realizing the pain caused by what they believed was lacking in their lives, then doing something about it. Participants would learn to identify the dissatisfaction associated with their present reality, and then determine what it was going to take to move their selves to a better and more rewarding station.

Students used the program as a guide to identifying the potential rewards of a new life once they completed their education. Management level employees utilized the program as a means to make a plan for honing their self-disciple and intensifying their focus in order to achieve a goal.

Happiness can only be experienced through love

The skills that I learned as a guide and consultant, serendipitously led me to a place of spiritual self-discovery. And as such I experienced divine enlightenment. At one enlightened moment, I was enabled to view the world as a different place, and I knew myself as being a different person. The impact of that moment was carried forward to this day. I received an insight and began seeing the world for what it is not, and myself for what I really am.

As a result, I no longer see the world as a place to prove my acceptability, as a place to reflect on the level of life that I want to attain. And, I know now that I cannot rely on things, ideas or people to bring me happiness.

We can easily get caught up in the pursuit of happiness

Happiness can only be found in one absolute truth of life. Happiness can only be experienced through love. Choose to love and happiness is right there. Love is at the core of happiness.

I learned that when I see love, I’m happy. When I choose not to see love, happiness is fleeting. Choose to see love and the world will raise a different perception of an experience. Choose to have a loving heart and the world will reciprocate. Ü


The world is nothing other than a reflection of our own individual attitude. Choose to carry around old grudges, and love will be resisted. Happiness vanishes. Inner turmoil spikes. Anger wells within. Resentment takes control.

We can easily get caught up in the pursuit of happiness. We can choose to give value to ideas that don’t really matter, ideas that are absent of divine purpose. We may choose to believe happiness will be discovered by procreating another child, or buying a new house, or car, or room full of furniture, or finding a romantic partner, or job, or client, or friend, or business deal, or celebrating a Sunday afternoon win, or getting a makeover.

We are living according to divine intention

Gratification can be experienced by fulfilling any of these desires, but happiness won’t. Happiness is experienced through love. For those of you who have attended my little Sunday morning inspirational time, you have seen the water glass prop I use. You see that the oil and water take up separate locations when poured into the same glass. I always thought that this was a great analogy for demonstrating the existence of two completely different truths. One is worldly truth, where happiness is discovered in worldly pursuits. The other is where happiness need not be discovered because it is always present. It is ubiquitous.

Lets get back to thoughts. How are thoughts and happiness linked? When we extend loving thoughts to others, then we will linger in the wonders of happiness. We are fulfilling our purpose. We are living according to divine intention. When we project something other then love then we are resisting life and disallowing our cosmic destiny to be fulfilled. We are bucking our purpose in divine order.

With our thoughts we create happiness

Love promotes the evolution of life and allows our genius to bloom. Any thought that resists love unplugs the mind from its divine source. These discordant thoughts spread toxins in our bodies, weaken our hearts and corrode the mind.

A quote of Buddha says: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.” With our thoughts we create happiness. With our thoughts we express love. With our thoughts we can also vanquish love and happiness, and resort to seeking out temporary little vignettes of self-gratification. Our thoughts create everything that arises in our lives.

Happiness is always the faithful companion of love

So, if you want to experience a more fruitful and loving life-experience, then maybe you will be willing to take a quick inventory of your thoughts. Note how often in a fifteen-minute period you allow your mind to process unloving thoughts. How often do you make judgments? Make yourself aware of just how often, loving thoughts are blocked from your mind. It’s a good starting point to creating a shift in your thinking.

Love and happiness require one thing. That is: in order to experience love and happiness we must extend loving and happy thoughts.

In the moment in which you feel contempt or resentment, in your mind say: I send you my love. Keep sending love and at some point you will become loving. You will experience love. And, what about happiness? Well, happiness is always the faithful companion of love. Where one goes so goes the other. db¤

Take care of the thoughts, and the actions will take care of themselves. 
- R. H. Blyth

Just a short note:
The Sunday get-together will resume. I’ll keep you posted on a date and time. The program format may be altered. I’ll let you know. Your input and suggestions are appreciated. If you have any ideas please email me. Thank you. - Don

Men are not influenced by things, but by their thoughts about things. 
- Epictetus
Psalm 23:7

As a man thinks in his heart so is he. Someone once inquired of a Far Eastern Zen master, who had a great serenity and peace about him no matter what pressures he faced, “How do you maintain that serenity and peace?” He replied, “I never leave my place of meditation.” He meditated early in the morning and for the rest of the day, he carried the peace of those moments with him in his mind and heart.

BE HAPPY!