Friday, April 3, 2009

A love letter from Don: 4/2/09

Definition: Liquidity is when you
look at your retirement funds and wet your pants.

Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.
Merle Shain

When Loving is Difficult
Several decades ago a classic film named On Golden Pond was released. Both Henry and Jane Fonda, who in real life are father and daughter, portrayed charters who also were father and daughter. The film showed that the two had perpetuated an adversarial relationship for many years, and were reuniting at a family cabin for a brief visit. The daughter passionately carried emotional pain that she held throughout the long-standing and disharmonious father-daughter relationship. And when in the presence of her father she allowed her adversarial thoughts to fester and bring forth an emotional outpouring of her distain. Offensive perceptions of one another caused both she and her dad to automatically assume their individual antagonistic roles. Each jabbed at the other until the daughter was again outraged. In true Pygmalion style, each created a perception that fueled contention in the other. Each created a reality that was immediately made manifest in the their individual behavior.

Kathryn Hepburn played the mother of Jane Fonda’s character and as such the wife of Henry Fonda’s character. At the crescendo of this father-daughter vacation feud, the mother said to her daughter: “Sometimes you have to look hard at a person and remember he is doing the best he can. He’s just trying to find his way.” When I see the movie, as I have many times over, that particular bit of motherly advice rings true. It causes me to poignantly and introspectively focus on the idea of seeing the best in a person who is being bitter and vengeful. Rather than connecting with the harshness carried within another, I learned to instead take another look. I remind myself that this person, who because no other way has been developed to attract love to their life, is doing so through an egregious outcry. The person is demonstrated the desire for Love by projecting harsh judgment on me. I’ve learned to let it go.

It’s not easy to suck it up when someone makes bold attempts to drag you into their fight. It is easier to fight, or at least walk away and continuously dwell on the contentious nature of the selfishly demanding person. I’ve found that when I allow myself to give meaning to either the tantrums or remarks of this person, then I will correspondingly give value to the way they are calling for love. And when I do, then I’m officially in the fight. I have made myself a force in perpetuating conflict. In effect I am saying to that person: “Although I do see that your bitter attacks are used as a ploy for bringing love to your life, I’m going to join in and continually fuel your desperation by giving value to your vile behavior.” When viewed in this context it doesn’t make sense to add fuel to someone’s acts of hopeless assault. Many humans unconsciously make a cry for love through vengeful retaliation.

You reap what you sow.

I learned that I could either become part of the conflict or render it meaningless. I can either fight or Love. I can join another by following that person further into darkness, or be the light. Being the light takes strength, it develops the inner-power of Love. It is being in unity with Ultimate Self. It demonstrates that what does not flow from Love is meaningless. Getting emotionally tied up with the contentious nature of a person will also build strength, It will strengthen ones ability to downcast others and be hateful. It will draw bitterness into one’s essence. It will cause perpetual distain, and raise the darkness of resentment until the heart feels like it will break, and the mind feels like it is filled with unyielding stressfulness.

If you deal with contentious people, try this. First realize that their behavior is a cry for love. Then offer them what they are looking for. Offer genuine Love. Allow the mind of God in you to connect with the mind of God in them. In place of quarreling words or defensive behavior, give them peaceful and loving thoughts. Avoid getting in the fight. If you don’t walk into the ballpark, you will not be in the game. Stay out of the park. You do not have to engage another’s cry for Love by thinking and acting as they do. Instead be the Light. Show them that you play in another park, one where contentiousness has no value. You may be the only light that they see. Your loving behavior will influence theirs. You may well be the only example of Real Love that surfaces in their life. Loving, as tough as it can seem with some people, is always the reflection of one’s intention. If you intend to be Loving then allow your Love to radiate into the life of the difficult one. And hold to it. It won’t be easy. – Don ¤

Matthew 7:12
In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you . . .

“If you can look back again and again into the source of mind, whatever you are doing, not sticking to any image of person or self at all, then this is . . .the finest practice.”
Excerpt from Turning the Light Around - Yu Lan

There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of, and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors. – Source, Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D

Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.Buddha

¤¤ BE HAPPY!!¤¤
Copyright@2009 Center for Happy Beings

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