The caterpillar’s new cells are called ‘imaginal cells.’
They are so totally different from the caterpillar cells
that his immune system thinks they are enemies… and gobbles them up.
But these new imaginal cells continue to appear. More and more of them!
Pretty soon, the caterpillar’s immune system
cannot destroy them fast enough.
More and more of the imaginal cells survive.
And then an amazing thing happens!
The little tiny lonely imaginal cells start to clump together
into friendly little groups.
They all resonate together at the same frequency,
passing information from one to another.
Then, after awhile, another amazing thing happens!
The clumps of imaginal cells start to cluster together!
A long string of clumping and clustering imaginal cells,
all resonating at the same frequency,
all passing information from one to another there inside the chrysalis.
Then at some point,
the entire long string of imaginal cells
suddenly realizes all together
that it is something different from the caterpillar.
Something new! Something wonderful!
…and in that realization
is the shout of the birth of the butterfly!
Since the butterfly now “knows” that it is a butterfly,
the little tiny imaginal cells
no longer have to do all those things individual cells must do.
Now they are part of a multi-celled organism—
A FAMILY who can share the work.
Each new butterfly cell can take on a different job—
There is something for everyone to do.
And everyone is important.
And each cell begins to do just that very thing it is most drawn to do.
And every other cell encourages it to do just that. A great way to organize a butterfly!”
Adapted Version of Nori Huddle’s story from her book, Butterfly Source – theinfinitegames.org
SELF-TRANSFORMATION
The morph of the caterpillar into a butterfly is an incredible metaphor for what it takes to make changes in the way we live our lives. If you read the previous essay, then you know that the butterfly would not develop if it were not for the initial clustering of imaginal cells. The purpose of these cells along with their inherent determination make it possible for a miraculous natural change to be completed.
Many of us want to make a life change, but fall short of our aspirations. We enter the state of change (cocoon stage) with the desire to transform a way of thinking or behaving, but find that in the face of temptation and old ways, our will concedes. It instead gives way to long-standing habits, and sooner or later we return to our previous patterns of thinking or behaving.Change-making thoughts are vulnerable to being gobbled up by traditional thoughts. These old ego-based thoughts are vast in scope and deeply rooted so new thoughts must remain persistent in attracting nourishment
Initially, in the cocoon, imaginal cells are overtaken by traditional cells. In order to have a chance at survival, the imaginal cells organize in a cluster, and in their unity are able to stave off most attempts at destroying them.
When I hear the story of transformation from caterpillar to butterfly, I repeatedly reflect on my state of mind. I think about the reality through which I see the world, and that I am continually choosing weather I am a caterpillar or butterfly. I reflect on my thoughts and the reality I select in protecting and projecting those thoughts. I ask myself: Am I projecting love or distain; kindness or condemnation? I can roam around seeing things and people in a conventional fashion. I can rely on ego-based thoughts to guide me into mulling over more ego-based thoughts; or I can cluster with thoughts of kindness and love.
In doing the later, I breath a new life into my spirit and see the world though a reality that is beyond distaining and disapproving thoughts. As I experience loving thoughts I realize that these thoughts are meant to grow, cluster and morph. I inherently realize that these thoughts will carry me to a place of peacefulness, easiness and wholeness. These thoughts are the spiritual equivalent of imaginal cells. They will be attacked by conventional thoughts, but as they cluster, they will multiply and differentiate to the point of raising my minds awareness to a new consciousness, a spiritual reality. This is realm in which the mind refocuses its theme. It focuses on not the worldly, but the spiritual. It experiences the conventional world through a spiritually healed awareness.
The transformation of the mind, like the metamorphosis of the caterpillar, does not evolve without challenges. But if we are willing to stick with the initiative, making the shift in consciousness will allow us the experience of many benefits. Where love was stifled and hopeless, we will realize we possess something incredibly magnanimous. Loving thoughts cluster together one thought at a time. Love grows and strengthens within the self by uniting with, not only other like thoughts, but also with other people who also are traveling the same pathway. The cluster is fortified and enriched by sharing and communicating thoughts that nurture the empowering change from a conventional caterpillar to a magnificent butterfly.
Remember however, before the caterpillar could change he had to first follow the will to do so. The caterpillar heard the voice of natural intention saying you are to be what God has intended for you. And so the butterfly is created from the caterpillar’s willingness to wrap itself in a cocoon and accept its becoming. It accepts the transformation into a new being, one that deep inside, the caterpillar knew it was intended to become. What about you? What about your butterfly? How is your becoming coming? Don ¤¤¤
¤¤¤BE HAPPY¤¤¤
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
What is wrong with being kind?- A love letter from Don
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-
~ Author, Leo Buscaglia
Something Wrong With Being Kind?
What is wrong with being kind? On the surface it may seem like a dumb questions. Most of us would immediately reply with the one word answer: “nothing;” meaning there is nothing wrong with being kind. Actually the question may on the surface seem stupid or ridiculous. You may think kindness is always a right thing, not wrong thing.
But is that how we really see it? What about if we ask ourselves that same question just after thinking of someone who has done us wrong, or hurt us in some way. Would be then offer a caveat to the answer, and instead say: kindness is right except in this particular case. Would we then frame the concept of kindness in a conditional mindset, meaning it would not apply with respect to this specific person.
What about being kind to a person you can’t stand? Is that a different story? Is it wrong to be kind to that person? Do we make some exceptions with regard to whom we will extend acts of kindness? Do we not sometimes attach a string to our kindness? When we are kind to some people, are we not expectant of something in return? If someone is really irksome, can you offer kindness to that person without expecting reciprocity? At minimum you might expect this person to at least acknowledge your kindness with some minimal response. You may think that he or she should offer in return, a sincere thank you.
An act of kindness that is extended with the right intention is a real expression of love. Kindness expressed in this way is connected to no expectations. No strings are attached. Simply we give without wanting anything back. We do not look for the receiver to offer anything in return. A kind thought or gesture is offered without any wish to benefit.
If you have difficulty offering kindness to a particular person or group, here are a few thoughts that I put together to help you.
Remember that this person or group is doing the best they can. They are not deliberately making your life difficult, rather they are just trying to bring love and happiness into their own life. Sometimes, unfortunate the only way we can feel good about who we are is to put blame on someone else. It’s not right, but never the less this type of behavior is not unusual.
Give yourself a long runway. Don’t expect to immediately experience some idea or feeling that just nullifies your automatic response to the thought of another person. You may think of a person and believe that he or she does not deserve kindness. Kindness is an expression of love and everyone deserves to be loved. An airplane requires a runway in order to get off the ground and into the air. You may have issues that are of such magnitude that you just cannot extend kindness to a particular person. Being of that mind frame is not unusual. So instead of overtly offering kindness, do so in thought. Think to yourself: I offer you kindness. Put the image of the person in your mind and say again and again: I give you kindness. Before the kindness concept may be able to fly, you may have to devote some mental effort to getting up to speed. But without the effort made privately, in your mind, the idea is doomed to being grounded.
Spend some time doing the ground work. Before flying, pilots learn fundamental skills and practices from books, in class, and in a simulator. Before taking to the sky they become familiar with the workings of the airplane, and air currents. You can do the same in regards to kindness. Before actually extending an act of kindness to the person with whom you would find difficult doing so, practice first with someone of less difficulty. Offer kindness to people of neutral influence, those with whom you have no history. And do the same with friends and family members with whom you are congenial terms.
Practice safe piloting. When the “difficult” person is in your midst, and the time is right, and after much private practice, extend a small act of kindness. Like a fledgling pilot, take it easy. Don’t make alarming moves or put yourself in a desperate situation. Offer kindness but don’t try to overextend yourself. Don’t force yourself to do something that is beyond your capability. Develop your skills slowly and certainly. After a small act of kindness, make a retreat. There will be another time and another situation in which you can extend yet another similar gesture.
Avoid second-guessing. During this entire process from its inception onward, you may think or act in a way that will make you feel guilty because of your historical unwillingness to be kind. Or you may want to relapse, and fall back to again condemning the person that you are experiencing difficulties with. Avoid thoughts that cast a shadow on your intention to be kind. Think only of kindness. Think only kind thoughts. If you do fall from the horse get right back in the saddle. Your ultimate success is inevitable. Take time, expend the energy, and focus your effort.
Apply the golden rule. Offer the same consideration to others that you like to receive. You are the key. Kindness begins with you. Open your mind to kind thoughts, and then act in a kindly manner. Remain optimistic. You will backslide. When you do, simply change your mind. Catch yourself as you think ill thoughts of another, and replace these wrong-minded thoughts with loving thoughts. The rest will unfold on its own. Know this: God is the love in you, and the love in you cannot be defeated.
- Don ¤¤¤
“If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” – Bob Hope
“If you meditate, sooner or later you will come upon love. If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you will start feeling a tremendous love arising in you that you have never known before.” - Osho
¤¤¤BE HAPPY!!!!¤¤¤
~ Author, Leo Buscaglia
Something Wrong With Being Kind?
What is wrong with being kind? On the surface it may seem like a dumb questions. Most of us would immediately reply with the one word answer: “nothing;” meaning there is nothing wrong with being kind. Actually the question may on the surface seem stupid or ridiculous. You may think kindness is always a right thing, not wrong thing.
But is that how we really see it? What about if we ask ourselves that same question just after thinking of someone who has done us wrong, or hurt us in some way. Would be then offer a caveat to the answer, and instead say: kindness is right except in this particular case. Would we then frame the concept of kindness in a conditional mindset, meaning it would not apply with respect to this specific person.
What about being kind to a person you can’t stand? Is that a different story? Is it wrong to be kind to that person? Do we make some exceptions with regard to whom we will extend acts of kindness? Do we not sometimes attach a string to our kindness? When we are kind to some people, are we not expectant of something in return? If someone is really irksome, can you offer kindness to that person without expecting reciprocity? At minimum you might expect this person to at least acknowledge your kindness with some minimal response. You may think that he or she should offer in return, a sincere thank you.
An act of kindness that is extended with the right intention is a real expression of love. Kindness expressed in this way is connected to no expectations. No strings are attached. Simply we give without wanting anything back. We do not look for the receiver to offer anything in return. A kind thought or gesture is offered without any wish to benefit.
If you have difficulty offering kindness to a particular person or group, here are a few thoughts that I put together to help you.
Remember that this person or group is doing the best they can. They are not deliberately making your life difficult, rather they are just trying to bring love and happiness into their own life. Sometimes, unfortunate the only way we can feel good about who we are is to put blame on someone else. It’s not right, but never the less this type of behavior is not unusual.
Give yourself a long runway. Don’t expect to immediately experience some idea or feeling that just nullifies your automatic response to the thought of another person. You may think of a person and believe that he or she does not deserve kindness. Kindness is an expression of love and everyone deserves to be loved. An airplane requires a runway in order to get off the ground and into the air. You may have issues that are of such magnitude that you just cannot extend kindness to a particular person. Being of that mind frame is not unusual. So instead of overtly offering kindness, do so in thought. Think to yourself: I offer you kindness. Put the image of the person in your mind and say again and again: I give you kindness. Before the kindness concept may be able to fly, you may have to devote some mental effort to getting up to speed. But without the effort made privately, in your mind, the idea is doomed to being grounded.
Spend some time doing the ground work. Before flying, pilots learn fundamental skills and practices from books, in class, and in a simulator. Before taking to the sky they become familiar with the workings of the airplane, and air currents. You can do the same in regards to kindness. Before actually extending an act of kindness to the person with whom you would find difficult doing so, practice first with someone of less difficulty. Offer kindness to people of neutral influence, those with whom you have no history. And do the same with friends and family members with whom you are congenial terms.
Practice safe piloting. When the “difficult” person is in your midst, and the time is right, and after much private practice, extend a small act of kindness. Like a fledgling pilot, take it easy. Don’t make alarming moves or put yourself in a desperate situation. Offer kindness but don’t try to overextend yourself. Don’t force yourself to do something that is beyond your capability. Develop your skills slowly and certainly. After a small act of kindness, make a retreat. There will be another time and another situation in which you can extend yet another similar gesture.
Avoid second-guessing. During this entire process from its inception onward, you may think or act in a way that will make you feel guilty because of your historical unwillingness to be kind. Or you may want to relapse, and fall back to again condemning the person that you are experiencing difficulties with. Avoid thoughts that cast a shadow on your intention to be kind. Think only of kindness. Think only kind thoughts. If you do fall from the horse get right back in the saddle. Your ultimate success is inevitable. Take time, expend the energy, and focus your effort.
Apply the golden rule. Offer the same consideration to others that you like to receive. You are the key. Kindness begins with you. Open your mind to kind thoughts, and then act in a kindly manner. Remain optimistic. You will backslide. When you do, simply change your mind. Catch yourself as you think ill thoughts of another, and replace these wrong-minded thoughts with loving thoughts. The rest will unfold on its own. Know this: God is the love in you, and the love in you cannot be defeated.
- Don ¤¤¤
“If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” – Bob Hope
“If you meditate, sooner or later you will come upon love. If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you will start feeling a tremendous love arising in you that you have never known before.” - Osho
¤¤¤BE HAPPY!!!!¤¤¤
Friday, April 17, 2009
Avoiding “The Goader Transfer” & The Love Boat Return to Love Cruise
A question about goading was presented to me not long ago. It followed in the wake of an incident in which someone was goaded into feeling guilty. Goading is a technique whereby a target (the one being goaded) is taunted with prickly blurts of either overt or subtle condemnation by the “goader,” in the hopes of raising the target’s level of self-blame and guilt. You have probably experienced it.
Goading is used as a way to belittle another, or reduce his or her level of self-worth. If you see goading with the eye that transcends conventional consciousness, then an alternative subconscious purpose for its use becomes recognizable. From this alternate perspective it is perceived that the goader instigates the goading as a way to protect his or herself from the pain of self-directed anger and/or guilt, and instead redirects it toward the target. I call this type of interaction “The Goader Transfer.” A person who is experiencing welling emotional pain makes a deliberate attempt to transfer it to another. Throughout this essay, I refer to the person using this technique, as a goater.
Some people hone an amazing degree of skill for raising the guilt level in a lover, friend, co-worker or family member. As a measure of protecting a desirable standard of self-acceptability, they develop the cunning to immediately and offhandedly make remarks that project unwarranted blame onto someone else. Something cold or cunning is often communicated in the form of an inference. The message is frequently spoken with a snide tone, and presented in the form of a subtle retaliation for what the goader perceives as an offense to good judgment. The remarks are not only condemning in nature, but are communicated in a pejorative tone.
It’s not unusual for the goader to use goading as the means to indirectly refer to the unacceptable behavior of the goaded one. For example the goader may say in the presence of the target: “What kind of idiot would park a car like this?” Knowing that the target often parks his car in this same manner, the goader is offhandedly but none-the-less intentionally projecting blame on the other. The flow of love is abruptly interrupted by the swift
The Love Boat ~ Return To Love Cruise
Kick back. Enjoy wine and sunshine. Do some shopping. Lay on the beach. Take in a movie.
Quiet your mind with a lazy cruise of the inner-harbor, and Lake Michigan.
And, in addition, how about a jaunt up the river for lunch or dinner.
Brings friends and relax for a week. We will even find time to participate in guided meditation, self-refection and spiritual tranquility programs.
This Chris Craft Catalina yacht can accommodate six overnight guests. It has a lower and upper deck with the space to be alone, sit and chat with a friend, or lie in the sun and work on your tan. It is equipped with bedrooms, kitchen, sitting area, a bathroom, shower, television, stereo and so many other convinces. The upper deck provides a spacious seating area along with an open area for sunbathing. The boat is docked on Lake Michigan in Milwaukee.
Milwaukee is the city of festivals. All summer long a designated area of the harbor is set up for enjoying live entertainment, fun and food. And of course you realize that Milwaukee is the beer capital of the America.
Interjection of negative energy. A father, having seen his daughter dressed in revealing outfits may remark about a
passerby: “That girl dresses like a hooker.” He does so because, with his daughter at his side, he will hopefully raise her level of guilt without overtly condemning her. He uses a third party as a means to goad his daughter for what he perceives to be her abuse of good judgment. Goading, as demonstrated in these examples, is projected for the purpose of offending someone else, but not with the willfulness to do it overtly. It is a subtle yet hurtful way of telling someone else that his or her behavior is judged as unacceptable.
“The Goader Transfer” is often instigated because of a build up of anxiety or frustration. The goader fills with a rising measure of tension and stress, and in the absence of any other way to release it, he projects it under the cover of offhanded criticism, onto the victim. Friends sometimes use this technique to cause one another to feel jealous. Or one might use it frequently with another because the target never seems to respond. Basically, in this case, the goader knows that no remarks of equal bitterness will be returned, so the goading is used for its bullying effect. One or both parties of a romantic couple, while in the company of group, may goad the other. The presence of a group or third person makes it easier and convenient to sling harsh judgmental remarks at the target. The supposed offensive behavior of one person is mentioned in the presence of a group or third party so the messenger can muster the strength required for his or her offensive position. Some goaders feel more secure in making an attack when in the midst of bystanders. They may feel that retaliation will be minimized. Also if the attack backfires, the incident can be conveniently reduced, by the goader, to a laughing point or source of amusement. It can be lightened up with a half-hearted apology or a statement about how the remark was taken too seriously or out of context.
As pointed out, the person being goaded may be of a temperament that makes it easy for the other to transfer his or her inner turmoil with little or no feedback or repercussions. That assumption however infrequently holds true in the long run. The target will often react in a delicate manner. After too often being the mark for belittlement, and burdened too much with another’s illicit transfer of guilt, the goaded one eventually
Cruises are available for the summer season. Please email me if you, or you and your friends would like to get away and have some great fun and return home rested and relaxed. Milwaukee is one hour and fifteen minutes from Chicago. So you can be shopping on Michigan Avenue, or enjoying a relaxing meal in one of the many restaurants. Email me and I’ll get more information to you.
Only a limited number of weeks are available for using the yacht. It’s a fun and restful way to gather your marbles, hang out, and reclaim your inner-peace. Indulge yourself in a vacation style stress cleansing.
Take a break and ZEN-OUT for a week. You’ll come home rested, relaxed, and inspired. If you would like to take a shorter time away, we may be able to accommodate your wish. Just drop me a line. I look forward to sharing this adventure with you. This is your captain speaking.
"When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us." -- 14th Dalai Lama
responds by stopping communication with the other, or communicates through lies, as a means to thwart the hurt and distain that she is intended to absorb. Avoidance is one obvious means that the target uses to separate herself from the goader. The target does so in order to remain resilient to the spears of guilt and condemnation cast by the offender. As offhanded and
subtle as these barbs may be presented, none-the-less they are a source of persistent emotional pain. Sometimes the best way to free oneself from carrying the undue burdens that another puts upon him or her is to minimize or avoid communication and interaction with the other.
Goading is a means for transferring self-directed anger and also a form of manipulation. This technique is actually used as a way to transfer one’s emotional pain to another. It is a way of taking the pain from one’s self-directed judgment and guilt and dumping it on another. It is delivered with the intention of releasing one’s inner torment and anguish. It’s not unlike suffering from an upset stomach and then aiming your vomit at another person.
Goading as I am referring to it, is initialized with the intent to transfer bitterness. It is not to be confused with prodding or cajoling. Goading is not done with the intent to coach, energize, or inspire someone. A goader may claim that he means no harm, when in fact he is deliberately injecting emotional toxin into the life of another. Some people may believe that because of their role in affecting the life of another they have the right to goad. Parents may claim that right over children. A partner in a romantic relationship may too feel that he holds supremacy privileges over the other, and thusly has the right to say to the partner what he pleases. In the goaders mind, he holds the reigns for the purpose of directing the one who is less knowledgeable, less intelligent, less apt, or less experienced.
When encountering a goader, realize that he or she is relying on an all too familiar tool, and using it just as a skilled craftsman would use a specialized instrument. The goader is doings so, so that he or she may reset the self-acceptance meter. When the life of a goater gets out of kilter, then he or she draws on this old familiar skill as a way to temporarily bring the sense of personal self-stability back into balance. And because the effects and repercussions of this skill are enhanced with its increased usage, the goater finds that the target avoids him more and more and more. The target, to maintain sanity and experience the flow of “good” energy, separates herself from
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves."
-- Mohandas Gandhi
the goader and his nasty remarks.
So what happens over the long haul? The separation between the target and the goader increases in proportion to the pain projected by the goader onto the target. Have you encountered a goater? If so here is a remedy to consider.
Realize the goader’s ultimate motive, and then give him what he wants. Recognize that her goading is a quest for love and then give to her the love she is seeking. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you are not, in the eyes of the world, a perfect person and that you make errors, and will continue to do so. Tell her that her criticism is not helpful to you. Then show her that both the ridicule and the reason for the ridicule are meaningless to you. Show her without giving her remarks any value at all. Don’t get in the game.
Remain self-aware that you are neither guilty nor condemnable. You are as God created you. Jesus as He was being judged said: “I am who I am.” You too are who you are. You are Love. You are God made manifest in the form of a human. Know that for yourself, and know it for the goader. Be aware that the goader does not know what he is doing. He does not realize what you realize, but he is seeking it. He just isn’t there yet. Rather, he is stuck in a mire of self-delusion and is not aware of his true reality. Caution yourself not to climb into the pit of delusion with him.
Keep yourself guarded. If the goader is tempting you back into feelings of guilt or experiencing thoughts of unacceptability, then remain aloof. Avoid subjecting yourself to offhanded ridicule. This person is looking for love, and let him know by your actions and thoughts that you have the knowledge he is seeking. Allow God’s presence to prevail. By thinking loving thoughts you will speak loving words. Always think first, then either respond with loving words, remain silent, or walk away.
Offer kindness. Don’t be afraid. Practice being a loving person. At a point you will be able to walk the talk. The presence of God within you will allow you to be in the presence of the other without feeling like you have done something wrong or that you are lacking something that the other person thinks you should have. At a point you will be assured in the knowledge that you walk as God walks. You will have transcended the verbal harm that is intended for you, and become an example of loving-kindness. As such, you will be unharmed and resilient to the goader’s intentions. Don ¤¤¤
All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him . . .
All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.
Dhammapada V. 1-2
Never look down upon anyone unless you are helping them up – Rev. Jesse Jackson
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
¤¤¤BE HAPPY¤¤
Self-Empowerment Service
Sundays at 8:00 The Center for Happy Beings holds a Self-Empowerment program entitled Treasures of the Light. Each Sunday a useful topic is brought forth so that we may live out the week with inner-peace and appreciation for all that the universe provides. It is uplifting, casual and inspiring. The location is 31732 South PCH in Laguna. Please join us.
Goading is used as a way to belittle another, or reduce his or her level of self-worth. If you see goading with the eye that transcends conventional consciousness, then an alternative subconscious purpose for its use becomes recognizable. From this alternate perspective it is perceived that the goader instigates the goading as a way to protect his or herself from the pain of self-directed anger and/or guilt, and instead redirects it toward the target. I call this type of interaction “The Goader Transfer.” A person who is experiencing welling emotional pain makes a deliberate attempt to transfer it to another. Throughout this essay, I refer to the person using this technique, as a goater.
Some people hone an amazing degree of skill for raising the guilt level in a lover, friend, co-worker or family member. As a measure of protecting a desirable standard of self-acceptability, they develop the cunning to immediately and offhandedly make remarks that project unwarranted blame onto someone else. Something cold or cunning is often communicated in the form of an inference. The message is frequently spoken with a snide tone, and presented in the form of a subtle retaliation for what the goader perceives as an offense to good judgment. The remarks are not only condemning in nature, but are communicated in a pejorative tone.
It’s not unusual for the goader to use goading as the means to indirectly refer to the unacceptable behavior of the goaded one. For example the goader may say in the presence of the target: “What kind of idiot would park a car like this?” Knowing that the target often parks his car in this same manner, the goader is offhandedly but none-the-less intentionally projecting blame on the other. The flow of love is abruptly interrupted by the swift
The Love Boat ~ Return To Love Cruise
Kick back. Enjoy wine and sunshine. Do some shopping. Lay on the beach. Take in a movie.
Quiet your mind with a lazy cruise of the inner-harbor, and Lake Michigan.
And, in addition, how about a jaunt up the river for lunch or dinner.
Brings friends and relax for a week. We will even find time to participate in guided meditation, self-refection and spiritual tranquility programs.
This Chris Craft Catalina yacht can accommodate six overnight guests. It has a lower and upper deck with the space to be alone, sit and chat with a friend, or lie in the sun and work on your tan. It is equipped with bedrooms, kitchen, sitting area, a bathroom, shower, television, stereo and so many other convinces. The upper deck provides a spacious seating area along with an open area for sunbathing. The boat is docked on Lake Michigan in Milwaukee.
Milwaukee is the city of festivals. All summer long a designated area of the harbor is set up for enjoying live entertainment, fun and food. And of course you realize that Milwaukee is the beer capital of the America.
Interjection of negative energy. A father, having seen his daughter dressed in revealing outfits may remark about a
passerby: “That girl dresses like a hooker.” He does so because, with his daughter at his side, he will hopefully raise her level of guilt without overtly condemning her. He uses a third party as a means to goad his daughter for what he perceives to be her abuse of good judgment. Goading, as demonstrated in these examples, is projected for the purpose of offending someone else, but not with the willfulness to do it overtly. It is a subtle yet hurtful way of telling someone else that his or her behavior is judged as unacceptable.
“The Goader Transfer” is often instigated because of a build up of anxiety or frustration. The goader fills with a rising measure of tension and stress, and in the absence of any other way to release it, he projects it under the cover of offhanded criticism, onto the victim. Friends sometimes use this technique to cause one another to feel jealous. Or one might use it frequently with another because the target never seems to respond. Basically, in this case, the goader knows that no remarks of equal bitterness will be returned, so the goading is used for its bullying effect. One or both parties of a romantic couple, while in the company of group, may goad the other. The presence of a group or third person makes it easier and convenient to sling harsh judgmental remarks at the target. The supposed offensive behavior of one person is mentioned in the presence of a group or third party so the messenger can muster the strength required for his or her offensive position. Some goaders feel more secure in making an attack when in the midst of bystanders. They may feel that retaliation will be minimized. Also if the attack backfires, the incident can be conveniently reduced, by the goader, to a laughing point or source of amusement. It can be lightened up with a half-hearted apology or a statement about how the remark was taken too seriously or out of context.
As pointed out, the person being goaded may be of a temperament that makes it easy for the other to transfer his or her inner turmoil with little or no feedback or repercussions. That assumption however infrequently holds true in the long run. The target will often react in a delicate manner. After too often being the mark for belittlement, and burdened too much with another’s illicit transfer of guilt, the goaded one eventually
Cruises are available for the summer season. Please email me if you, or you and your friends would like to get away and have some great fun and return home rested and relaxed. Milwaukee is one hour and fifteen minutes from Chicago. So you can be shopping on Michigan Avenue, or enjoying a relaxing meal in one of the many restaurants. Email me and I’ll get more information to you.
Only a limited number of weeks are available for using the yacht. It’s a fun and restful way to gather your marbles, hang out, and reclaim your inner-peace. Indulge yourself in a vacation style stress cleansing.
Take a break and ZEN-OUT for a week. You’ll come home rested, relaxed, and inspired. If you would like to take a shorter time away, we may be able to accommodate your wish. Just drop me a line. I look forward to sharing this adventure with you. This is your captain speaking.
"When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us." -- 14th Dalai Lama
responds by stopping communication with the other, or communicates through lies, as a means to thwart the hurt and distain that she is intended to absorb. Avoidance is one obvious means that the target uses to separate herself from the goader. The target does so in order to remain resilient to the spears of guilt and condemnation cast by the offender. As offhanded and
subtle as these barbs may be presented, none-the-less they are a source of persistent emotional pain. Sometimes the best way to free oneself from carrying the undue burdens that another puts upon him or her is to minimize or avoid communication and interaction with the other.
Goading is a means for transferring self-directed anger and also a form of manipulation. This technique is actually used as a way to transfer one’s emotional pain to another. It is a way of taking the pain from one’s self-directed judgment and guilt and dumping it on another. It is delivered with the intention of releasing one’s inner torment and anguish. It’s not unlike suffering from an upset stomach and then aiming your vomit at another person.
Goading as I am referring to it, is initialized with the intent to transfer bitterness. It is not to be confused with prodding or cajoling. Goading is not done with the intent to coach, energize, or inspire someone. A goader may claim that he means no harm, when in fact he is deliberately injecting emotional toxin into the life of another. Some people may believe that because of their role in affecting the life of another they have the right to goad. Parents may claim that right over children. A partner in a romantic relationship may too feel that he holds supremacy privileges over the other, and thusly has the right to say to the partner what he pleases. In the goaders mind, he holds the reigns for the purpose of directing the one who is less knowledgeable, less intelligent, less apt, or less experienced.
When encountering a goader, realize that he or she is relying on an all too familiar tool, and using it just as a skilled craftsman would use a specialized instrument. The goader is doings so, so that he or she may reset the self-acceptance meter. When the life of a goater gets out of kilter, then he or she draws on this old familiar skill as a way to temporarily bring the sense of personal self-stability back into balance. And because the effects and repercussions of this skill are enhanced with its increased usage, the goater finds that the target avoids him more and more and more. The target, to maintain sanity and experience the flow of “good” energy, separates herself from
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves."
-- Mohandas Gandhi
the goader and his nasty remarks.
So what happens over the long haul? The separation between the target and the goader increases in proportion to the pain projected by the goader onto the target. Have you encountered a goater? If so here is a remedy to consider.
Realize the goader’s ultimate motive, and then give him what he wants. Recognize that her goading is a quest for love and then give to her the love she is seeking. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you are not, in the eyes of the world, a perfect person and that you make errors, and will continue to do so. Tell her that her criticism is not helpful to you. Then show her that both the ridicule and the reason for the ridicule are meaningless to you. Show her without giving her remarks any value at all. Don’t get in the game.
Remain self-aware that you are neither guilty nor condemnable. You are as God created you. Jesus as He was being judged said: “I am who I am.” You too are who you are. You are Love. You are God made manifest in the form of a human. Know that for yourself, and know it for the goader. Be aware that the goader does not know what he is doing. He does not realize what you realize, but he is seeking it. He just isn’t there yet. Rather, he is stuck in a mire of self-delusion and is not aware of his true reality. Caution yourself not to climb into the pit of delusion with him.
Keep yourself guarded. If the goader is tempting you back into feelings of guilt or experiencing thoughts of unacceptability, then remain aloof. Avoid subjecting yourself to offhanded ridicule. This person is looking for love, and let him know by your actions and thoughts that you have the knowledge he is seeking. Allow God’s presence to prevail. By thinking loving thoughts you will speak loving words. Always think first, then either respond with loving words, remain silent, or walk away.
Offer kindness. Don’t be afraid. Practice being a loving person. At a point you will be able to walk the talk. The presence of God within you will allow you to be in the presence of the other without feeling like you have done something wrong or that you are lacking something that the other person thinks you should have. At a point you will be assured in the knowledge that you walk as God walks. You will have transcended the verbal harm that is intended for you, and become an example of loving-kindness. As such, you will be unharmed and resilient to the goader’s intentions. Don ¤¤¤
All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him . . .
All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.
Dhammapada V. 1-2
Never look down upon anyone unless you are helping them up – Rev. Jesse Jackson
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
¤¤¤BE HAPPY¤¤
Self-Empowerment Service
Sundays at 8:00 The Center for Happy Beings holds a Self-Empowerment program entitled Treasures of the Light. Each Sunday a useful topic is brought forth so that we may live out the week with inner-peace and appreciation for all that the universe provides. It is uplifting, casual and inspiring. The location is 31732 South PCH in Laguna. Please join us.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Easter Sunday Love Letter
Thoughts About Easter Sunday
Easter Sunday is the celebration of Christ’s resurrection. To me, Easter is not a time to dwell on death, but the sunrise of a new life. Christians use this day to celebrate the new life they will enjoy after death, when they will unite with God in heaven.
Easter can also serve, for all mankind, as a day of contemplation. One in which we ponder a new life that is available to each of us here on earth. This is the life where love comes first. Daily, we can renew that life by transforming the conventional way we interact with the world and those that we encounter. Easter Sunday can be used as the day that we initiate a self-transformation.
Christ demonstrated His transcendence from a worldly self to the Divine. By the resurrection, He showed us we too could transform our lives. Each day we may initiate this transformation and in doing so experience our individual resurrection. We begin this transformation by first of all awakening and recognizing that beyond the misery and hardships that we put upon our self, a peaceful and loving life is possible. We need only allow ourselves to experience our resurrection. We do not have to experience physical death in order to live in the Light. Heaven radiates from within. Heaven is not a destiny rather it is a state of consciousness.
Each and every day represents an opportunity to experience the Light. God is present within each of us, in every moment. When we unite with Him, we experience happiness. When we don’t, we get stuck. Easter Sunday represents the bridge leading from the cravings and adversities that taunt at us, to self-fulfillment and inner-peace. It represents transforming a life of uneasiness to one of calmness, clarity and assurance. It represents our ascension into a consciousness that is far beyond what we experience in our limited worldly reality. It represents a time of forgiveness, compassion, sensitivity and good will. Easter Sunday can be viewed as the Gateway to inner-peace and unceasing love.
Happy Easter. Don ¤
Welcome Sunny and Lupe to the Family of Happy Beings
If Easter says anything to us today, it says this: You can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. You can nail it to a cross, wrap it in winding sheets and shut it up in a tomb, but it will rise! ~ Clarence W. Hall
Easter is not a passport to another world; it is a quality of perception for this one. ~ W.P. Lemon
Crystal – It was nice having you with us in the Empowerment meditation. You are radiant with Light.
A Reminder – The Self Awareness retreat is coming up in June. Coming?
It is more difficult to come into being than to return to it?
~ Blaise Pascal
¤¤ BE HAPPY!!¤¤
COPYRIGHT@2009 – THE CENTER FOR HAPPY BEINGS
Easter Sunday is the celebration of Christ’s resurrection. To me, Easter is not a time to dwell on death, but the sunrise of a new life. Christians use this day to celebrate the new life they will enjoy after death, when they will unite with God in heaven.
Easter can also serve, for all mankind, as a day of contemplation. One in which we ponder a new life that is available to each of us here on earth. This is the life where love comes first. Daily, we can renew that life by transforming the conventional way we interact with the world and those that we encounter. Easter Sunday can be used as the day that we initiate a self-transformation.
Christ demonstrated His transcendence from a worldly self to the Divine. By the resurrection, He showed us we too could transform our lives. Each day we may initiate this transformation and in doing so experience our individual resurrection. We begin this transformation by first of all awakening and recognizing that beyond the misery and hardships that we put upon our self, a peaceful and loving life is possible. We need only allow ourselves to experience our resurrection. We do not have to experience physical death in order to live in the Light. Heaven radiates from within. Heaven is not a destiny rather it is a state of consciousness.
Each and every day represents an opportunity to experience the Light. God is present within each of us, in every moment. When we unite with Him, we experience happiness. When we don’t, we get stuck. Easter Sunday represents the bridge leading from the cravings and adversities that taunt at us, to self-fulfillment and inner-peace. It represents transforming a life of uneasiness to one of calmness, clarity and assurance. It represents our ascension into a consciousness that is far beyond what we experience in our limited worldly reality. It represents a time of forgiveness, compassion, sensitivity and good will. Easter Sunday can be viewed as the Gateway to inner-peace and unceasing love.
Happy Easter. Don ¤
Welcome Sunny and Lupe to the Family of Happy Beings
If Easter says anything to us today, it says this: You can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. You can nail it to a cross, wrap it in winding sheets and shut it up in a tomb, but it will rise! ~ Clarence W. Hall
Easter is not a passport to another world; it is a quality of perception for this one. ~ W.P. Lemon
Crystal – It was nice having you with us in the Empowerment meditation. You are radiant with Light.
A Reminder – The Self Awareness retreat is coming up in June. Coming?
It is more difficult to come into being than to return to it?
~ Blaise Pascal
¤¤ BE HAPPY!!¤¤
COPYRIGHT@2009 – THE CENTER FOR HAPPY BEINGS
Friday, April 3, 2009
A love letter from Don: 4/2/09
Definition: Liquidity is when you
look at your retirement funds and wet your pants.
“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.”
Merle Shain
When Loving is Difficult
Several decades ago a classic film named On Golden Pond was released. Both Henry and Jane Fonda, who in real life are father and daughter, portrayed charters who also were father and daughter. The film showed that the two had perpetuated an adversarial relationship for many years, and were reuniting at a family cabin for a brief visit. The daughter passionately carried emotional pain that she held throughout the long-standing and disharmonious father-daughter relationship. And when in the presence of her father she allowed her adversarial thoughts to fester and bring forth an emotional outpouring of her distain. Offensive perceptions of one another caused both she and her dad to automatically assume their individual antagonistic roles. Each jabbed at the other until the daughter was again outraged. In true Pygmalion style, each created a perception that fueled contention in the other. Each created a reality that was immediately made manifest in the their individual behavior.
Kathryn Hepburn played the mother of Jane Fonda’s character and as such the wife of Henry Fonda’s character. At the crescendo of this father-daughter vacation feud, the mother said to her daughter: “Sometimes you have to look hard at a person and remember he is doing the best he can. He’s just trying to find his way.” When I see the movie, as I have many times over, that particular bit of motherly advice rings true. It causes me to poignantly and introspectively focus on the idea of seeing the best in a person who is being bitter and vengeful. Rather than connecting with the harshness carried within another, I learned to instead take another look. I remind myself that this person, who because no other way has been developed to attract love to their life, is doing so through an egregious outcry. The person is demonstrated the desire for Love by projecting harsh judgment on me. I’ve learned to let it go.
It’s not easy to suck it up when someone makes bold attempts to drag you into their fight. It is easier to fight, or at least walk away and continuously dwell on the contentious nature of the selfishly demanding person. I’ve found that when I allow myself to give meaning to either the tantrums or remarks of this person, then I will correspondingly give value to the way they are calling for love. And when I do, then I’m officially in the fight. I have made myself a force in perpetuating conflict. In effect I am saying to that person: “Although I do see that your bitter attacks are used as a ploy for bringing love to your life, I’m going to join in and continually fuel your desperation by giving value to your vile behavior.” When viewed in this context it doesn’t make sense to add fuel to someone’s acts of hopeless assault. Many humans unconsciously make a cry for love through vengeful retaliation.
You reap what you sow.
I learned that I could either become part of the conflict or render it meaningless. I can either fight or Love. I can join another by following that person further into darkness, or be the light. Being the light takes strength, it develops the inner-power of Love. It is being in unity with Ultimate Self. It demonstrates that what does not flow from Love is meaningless. Getting emotionally tied up with the contentious nature of a person will also build strength, It will strengthen ones ability to downcast others and be hateful. It will draw bitterness into one’s essence. It will cause perpetual distain, and raise the darkness of resentment until the heart feels like it will break, and the mind feels like it is filled with unyielding stressfulness.
If you deal with contentious people, try this. First realize that their behavior is a cry for love. Then offer them what they are looking for. Offer genuine Love. Allow the mind of God in you to connect with the mind of God in them. In place of quarreling words or defensive behavior, give them peaceful and loving thoughts. Avoid getting in the fight. If you don’t walk into the ballpark, you will not be in the game. Stay out of the park. You do not have to engage another’s cry for Love by thinking and acting as they do. Instead be the Light. Show them that you play in another park, one where contentiousness has no value. You may be the only light that they see. Your loving behavior will influence theirs. You may well be the only example of Real Love that surfaces in their life. Loving, as tough as it can seem with some people, is always the reflection of one’s intention. If you intend to be Loving then allow your Love to radiate into the life of the difficult one. And hold to it. It won’t be easy. – Don ¤
Matthew 7:12
In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you . . .
“If you can look back again and again into the source of mind, whatever you are doing, not sticking to any image of person or self at all, then this is . . .the finest practice.”
Excerpt from Turning the Light Around - Yu Lan
There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of, and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors. – Source, Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”Buddha
¤¤ BE HAPPY!!¤¤
Copyright@2009 Center for Happy Beings
look at your retirement funds and wet your pants.
“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.”
Merle Shain
When Loving is Difficult
Several decades ago a classic film named On Golden Pond was released. Both Henry and Jane Fonda, who in real life are father and daughter, portrayed charters who also were father and daughter. The film showed that the two had perpetuated an adversarial relationship for many years, and were reuniting at a family cabin for a brief visit. The daughter passionately carried emotional pain that she held throughout the long-standing and disharmonious father-daughter relationship. And when in the presence of her father she allowed her adversarial thoughts to fester and bring forth an emotional outpouring of her distain. Offensive perceptions of one another caused both she and her dad to automatically assume their individual antagonistic roles. Each jabbed at the other until the daughter was again outraged. In true Pygmalion style, each created a perception that fueled contention in the other. Each created a reality that was immediately made manifest in the their individual behavior.
Kathryn Hepburn played the mother of Jane Fonda’s character and as such the wife of Henry Fonda’s character. At the crescendo of this father-daughter vacation feud, the mother said to her daughter: “Sometimes you have to look hard at a person and remember he is doing the best he can. He’s just trying to find his way.” When I see the movie, as I have many times over, that particular bit of motherly advice rings true. It causes me to poignantly and introspectively focus on the idea of seeing the best in a person who is being bitter and vengeful. Rather than connecting with the harshness carried within another, I learned to instead take another look. I remind myself that this person, who because no other way has been developed to attract love to their life, is doing so through an egregious outcry. The person is demonstrated the desire for Love by projecting harsh judgment on me. I’ve learned to let it go.
It’s not easy to suck it up when someone makes bold attempts to drag you into their fight. It is easier to fight, or at least walk away and continuously dwell on the contentious nature of the selfishly demanding person. I’ve found that when I allow myself to give meaning to either the tantrums or remarks of this person, then I will correspondingly give value to the way they are calling for love. And when I do, then I’m officially in the fight. I have made myself a force in perpetuating conflict. In effect I am saying to that person: “Although I do see that your bitter attacks are used as a ploy for bringing love to your life, I’m going to join in and continually fuel your desperation by giving value to your vile behavior.” When viewed in this context it doesn’t make sense to add fuel to someone’s acts of hopeless assault. Many humans unconsciously make a cry for love through vengeful retaliation.
You reap what you sow.
I learned that I could either become part of the conflict or render it meaningless. I can either fight or Love. I can join another by following that person further into darkness, or be the light. Being the light takes strength, it develops the inner-power of Love. It is being in unity with Ultimate Self. It demonstrates that what does not flow from Love is meaningless. Getting emotionally tied up with the contentious nature of a person will also build strength, It will strengthen ones ability to downcast others and be hateful. It will draw bitterness into one’s essence. It will cause perpetual distain, and raise the darkness of resentment until the heart feels like it will break, and the mind feels like it is filled with unyielding stressfulness.
If you deal with contentious people, try this. First realize that their behavior is a cry for love. Then offer them what they are looking for. Offer genuine Love. Allow the mind of God in you to connect with the mind of God in them. In place of quarreling words or defensive behavior, give them peaceful and loving thoughts. Avoid getting in the fight. If you don’t walk into the ballpark, you will not be in the game. Stay out of the park. You do not have to engage another’s cry for Love by thinking and acting as they do. Instead be the Light. Show them that you play in another park, one where contentiousness has no value. You may be the only light that they see. Your loving behavior will influence theirs. You may well be the only example of Real Love that surfaces in their life. Loving, as tough as it can seem with some people, is always the reflection of one’s intention. If you intend to be Loving then allow your Love to radiate into the life of the difficult one. And hold to it. It won’t be easy. – Don ¤
Matthew 7:12
In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you . . .
“If you can look back again and again into the source of mind, whatever you are doing, not sticking to any image of person or self at all, then this is . . .the finest practice.”
Excerpt from Turning the Light Around - Yu Lan
There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of, and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors. – Source, Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”Buddha
¤¤ BE HAPPY!!¤¤
Copyright@2009 Center for Happy Beings
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