Love comes with many connotations. We hear people say they love their car, love their job, love a special work of art, love a design, love their hobby or special interest, love their family, love their partner, and love their God. We exalt the concept of love so much that we raise its value to the highest point on the crescendo of appreciation.
Do we change or abandon what we love? It seems as if we do. Some change their romantic partners. Some abandon a friendship, while others may abandon a family connection. Some change a job or career path while others may change their degree of appreciation for art or design. Over time it seems as if our love is potentially capable of being influenced by factors that cause it to be redirected. Love a car one moment, the next year it’s up for sale.
Why does the flow of love change its course? Why does it fade? In my opinion, it does so because we put conditions upon our willingness to extend it to others. We establish special rules for the dispensing of our love. We have learned to extend partial love for others and as such have come to perceive love as something that is offered in various degrees. We love one person or thing more or less than we love something else.
Love can confuse us. We may want to extend love to someone but have learned that because of social teachings and mores that we must keep our love contained. Love is put in question when it crosses racial, cultural, age, and financial boundaries. Love, many of us were taught, must be confined to pre-described boundaries and offered only within certain limits. We learn that true love, which by nature is boundless and limitless, is substituted by a synthetic version.
And it is this fabricated version of love that permeates into our conventional reality. The conventional world tells stories that reinforce the idea that love comes with strings attached. So, the world gives us the idea that love can be fickle, abused, or betrayed. It tells us that in order to maintain our psychological stability we must either accept the conditions in which love currently exists or separate ourselves from whatever or whoever it is we love.
In either case love is stifled. So the most precious and sacred emotion is confounded by imperceptive conditions. It becomes complicated. And we question ourselves as to exactly what love is, and if we still have it, or really feel it for someone or something.When love is masked as something else, it is not unlike novocain in the sense that it wears off, even in the largest administered dosage. For example, love can be masked as longing or obsessing. It can be used as a replacement for loneliness and boredom.
It can be mis-communicated to others in hopes of satisfying a sexual craving or in the pursuit of status and financial stability. Love can present itself in a urge, or through talking one’s self into nurturing it for someone or something. Our individual perception of love becomes our guiding light for connecting with others. Some people are liked but not loved. Some are loved but difficult to like. And, some are loved obsessively. Love is the bonding agent that holds us to various relationships. And not infrequently, when the conditions of the relationship are altered, the love is re-evaluated and changed.
As you can see, the concept of love holds both a present and ongoing influence in our lives. To a very large degree, both our interaction with and perception of that influence become the guiding force for we conducting our lives. Love can be like chasing the wind, ultimately leaving us to feel desperate and unfulfilled. Sometimes when we catch up with the object of our love, later it becomes the source of disappointment and frustration. Or taking it to a higher degree, what we once loved, is now despised.
We are left only with regret. The humorous guy that she fell in love with now seems overbearing and obnoxious. The stupid car that Henri fell in love with lost its appeal. Sarah’s lovingly admired coworker is now perceived to be a motor-mouth. Joy’s girlfriend, loved for her outgoing personality, is now perceived as avoidably overbearing.
As we love so do we live. As time moves on, our initial perceptions of things and people are likely to change. The reason that we once loved a person or thing one day becomes altered, and thusly the loving feeling that we once held so dearly comes into question.
Love becomes a problem when it is based on conditional acceptance. Often this conditional acceptance shows a red flag right up front. When we deny initial questionable concerns with regard to our love for another, then these same unresolved or unattended love-issues will one day return with a great force. For example if one realizes early on that a partner consumes excessive amounts of alcohol on a regular basis then down the road it comes as no real surprise when that continual drinking eventually festers into a major issue, and leads one to question her love for the other. The love-novocain eventually wears off and the pain spikes.
The torment of a transforming love hurts and becomes mentally and emotionally intolerable. How about the person who talks his new career path up with his friends, saying how wonderful his new job and boss are. After six months he is blaming himself for fighting so hard to get the position. When the conditions on which the original love are continually challenged, the fabric of love is compromised. It weakens, and causes the lover to drift from the beloved. Just as a series of major storms will eventually loosen the lines that secure a boat to the dock, the long duration of putting up with a lover’s irritating ways will one day loosen the loving feeling. It becomes a deal-breaker. It is not an unfamiliar occurrence in regard to romantic love relationships.
So the conventional love that most of us have learned to know comes sometimes with a great many strings attached.
Those strings are tethered to conditional acceptance. Parents love their children, and in the name of that love may take license to direct their children in a way that does not necessarily meet the best interest of the child, but serves mostly to inflate the parents’ ego. It is not unusual for parents to poke and prod their children with the conditional acceptance stick. The message that the child hears from the parent is that if you do it the way I expect you to do it, then I will accept you and thusly love you. If you do it differently I will not accept you and either badger, belittle, scold or shun you.
So to avoid parental disapproval, some children learn to mislead their parents by speaking half-truths and telling lies. The parents live with exasperation, the child lives with guilt and internalized self-directed blame. Then, both the parents and child, to some degree, harbor on-going resentment.
As we love we live. Hold others to your expectation, place conditional rulings on the lives of others, use another to advance your place in life, and your life will be confounded by frustration, dismay and disappointment. Love-karma can induce unimaginable alterations in the course of one’s life.
Why does the texture of love change? It does so because we place conditions on our willingness to extend it to others. Often love is offered with an expectation for something in return. So love is obligated to shoulder a burden. And when either the expectation or burden becomes too much to handle the love caves in. One lover turns against the other. A child rejects his parents. A student lies to his teacher. An employer begrudges the employee.
The car gets kicked, and the dog receives a tongue-lashing. Genuine love does not harbor judgment. So resentment cannot fester and grow from genuine love. Genuine love is nurtured in Super Consciousness, or Spirit. It does not judge a glass as being either half-empty or half-full. It does not see Tony as he is and want him to be something else. Genuine love is enmeshed in the practice of allowance. Genuine love accepts people as they are and allows that acceptance to lead the relationship. Just as we learn to love others in the conventional way, we can also learn to love in the genuine way. We can cut the stings. We can forego our judgments. We can stop placing expectations on ourselves, and others and learn to avoid making comparisons. We can stop double-checking our degree of self-satisfaction, and comparing our degree of happiness to others or the norm – what ever that is.
As we love so do we live. We can live with peace or misery, desperation or assurance, conflict or freedom, genuine love or conditional love. We have the choice, and recognizing how to make that choice can be understood through meditation. Through mindful meditation we open ourselves to a true look at our reality. We see how we create the barbs and snags that throw our lives off kilter. We learn how to avoid making ourselves the victim of love, and rather learn how to bring real, genuine love into our lives. When we learn to marinade our lives in genuine love then we can enjoy inner-peace, freedom, and thwart the worldly inclination to be influenced by judgment, condemnation and conflict.
As we love so do we live. Return to genuine love and re-orient yourself to your authentic loving nature. Cut the strings. Use a small portion of your day to clear your mind. Meditate and allow divine brilliance to enter your mind and heart. Meditation will allow you to see within yourself. It will open your perception to the beautiful and magnanimous side of yourself that you have yet to recognize. As you love so do you live. Learn to recognize the love within, and you will see that love presents itself again and again. And in doing so, an unimaginable peacefulness will be granted to you. Love to all of you.
- Don
Friday, September 4, 2009
I Everyone
I everyone. Happy Easter. Easter is the day of highest worship attendance in the Christian faith.
Why do so many practicing and non-practicing Christians join in celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Maybe its because the events that led up to Jesus’ death are metaphoric to the tough and personally devastating occurrences in our lives. And the resurrection, represented on Easter, shows there is hope for something grand, that will take the restlessness and stressfulness away.
Ash Wednesday is celebrated forty days before Easter Sunday. An Ash Wednesday tradition, allowing ashes to be placed on one’s forehead, marks the beginning of lent. We are reminded by the ashes that when dead our bodies will return to the earth. We can use ash Wednesday as a metaphore for our lives.
After Jesus was murdered. He laid dead in a tomb.
On the third day he arose, and was made new. He experienced rebirth.
Why do so many practicing and non-practicing Christians join in celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Maybe its because the events that led up to Jesus’ death are metaphoric to the tough and personally devastating occurrences in our lives. And the resurrection, represented on Easter, shows there is hope for something grand, that will take the restlessness and stressfulness away.
Ash Wednesday is celebrated forty days before Easter Sunday. An Ash Wednesday tradition, allowing ashes to be placed on one’s forehead, marks the beginning of lent. We are reminded by the ashes that when dead our bodies will return to the earth. We can use ash Wednesday as a metaphore for our lives.
After Jesus was murdered. He laid dead in a tomb.
On the third day he arose, and was made new. He experienced rebirth.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Happiness cannot be travelled to
Thank you Pam Sheppard for helping with the email address complications. It turned out well.
Sunday’s Self Awareness Get Together
Sunday (1/25/09) we enjoyed coffee with one another, while sharing a spiritual talk, then we participated in a guided meditation. Together, we shared a very enjoyable and enlightening experience.
The spiritual talk was centered on moving to the edge of human consciousness and “stepping” into oneness with God through Divine Consciousness. We spoke of how understanding the influence of this transcendent point between the two facets of consciousness is helpful to remaining focused throughout the meditation.
The inherent mental resistance to meditation peeks at this crossover point. Awareness of how the mind reacts to this crossing point helps lower the focusing difficulties that arise during meditation.
In the guided meditation we contemplated the transcendence from restrictive thinking, to the universal spiritual law of allowance. In doing so, we allowed Divine Intelligence to facilitate our guidance through the meditation. As always we called upon the Enlightened One be present in our meditation. We were comforted by His presence.
Happiness
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love,
grace and gratitude. – Denis Waitley
"If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive"
-Mother Theresa
Divine Consciousness – Human Consciousness The following excerpt was taken from "The Summits of God-Life: Samadhi and Siddhi" by Sri Chinmoy.
Human consciousness is made up primarily of limitation, imperfection, bondage and ignorance. This consciousness wants to remain here on earth. It gets joy in the finite: in family, in society, in earthly affairs. Divine consciousness is made up of Peace, Bliss, divine Power and so forth. Its nature is to expand constantly. Human consciousness feels there is nothing more important than earthly pleasure. Divine consciousness feels there is nothing more important and significant than heavenly Joy and Bliss on earth. Human consciousness tries to convince us that we are nowhere near Truth or fulfillment. It tries to make us feel that God is somewhere else, millions of miles away from us. But divine consciousness makes us feel that God is right here, inside each life-breath, inside each heartbeat, inside everyone and everything around us.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciations. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho, Author
To Catch Up
Sunday (2/1/09) in our weekly (7:00 a.m.) self-awareness get together we spoke of the many issues and problems that arise simultaneously. Numerous concerns capture our thoughts, and it’s difficult to give ample attention to solving any single problems. We went on to take a close look at how these problems become amplified because of the worry that we devote to them. Worry fuels the intensity of our problems.
In our get together we looked at a way to move beyond the torment presented by the arising issues in our lives. We looked at a way of moving beyond the problems, but more importantly a way of transcending the value and meaning we give to those problems.
We then experienced a guided meditation, one in which we could clear the mind and take a personal role in communion with the Divine.
It was a great program. The presence of God was with us. Sometimes after completing these guided meditations we sit in silence and are moved by the peace and calm. Given all the anxiety experienced because of the economic state of affairs, its always a beautiful way to experience peaceful, loving moments with others
Sources of Inner Peace
“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”Dalai Lama
Dr. Staci from Chicago joined us this past Sunday – Hope you enjoyed your visit – Staci. Come back, you got good vibrations.
A Favorite of mine
I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me,
He can work through anyone.
-St. Francis Assisi-
Why do we meet on Sunday
I do so, so I can be one
with the core of my being.
I find that when I am
in spiritual communion with others sharing love, I not only realize who we are collectively,
but also know who I am.
For at this core there is
A Self that mystically
unites with other Selfs.
And, in love and peace, and happiness we become One
with God, perfectly centered in Divine Consciousness.
I could not ask for more.
-Love To You-
-Don Brun-
♬and in the end the love you take
is equal to the love you make ♬
John Lennon/ Paul McCartney
Our Limiting Self-Reality
We may think that problems just automatically show up in our lives, but they don’t.
Oh, I am not saying that problems don’t blind side us and appear unexpectedly. Of course they do. And I’m not saying that we consciously invite difficult situations into our lives. But we are wise to remember that, on some level, we draw into our lives the problems that we encounter. We are creators of our own personal issues. How does this happen? How do we draw problems to ourselves? Here is an explanation for you to consider.
First of all we form a belief system about ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us, then we adapt to it. Next, we try to behave within the boundaries of those beliefs about our self and how we fit into the world. In conforming to this belief system, we draw on many judgments of both our self and others. These judgments, in turn, form personal boundaries for the protection of our self-acceptability.
(Continued on the next page)
Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule. – Friedrich Nietzsche
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahlil Gibran
When we perceive behavior, or the outcome of some activity that does not conform to our way of believing we judge it as objectionable. It’s a problem.
Lets say that a landlord wants his rent by the fifth day of the month. The renter is already two month behind, and tells the landlord that the rent will be paid in its entirety, but he needs another month before he has the money. The renter, Tom, acknowledges the problem, and immediately blames the landlord for a lack of empathy, and the unwillingness to be patient.
Tom was raised by his parents to believe that bills must be paid on time, and people should live within their financial means. As a matter of fact Tom has criticized a couple of his friends who he claims are in debt because they spend more than they earn. One friend has obligated himself to huge car payments, while the other is deluged with credit card debt.
Tom brought this problem to himself. He created it. Tom has surrounded himself with men and women who perpetuate high-spending lifestyles. He and coworkers are struggling for career achievement recognition. Most desire a promotion, an admirable professional title, and a higher salary. He works in an office inundated with movers and shakers. All of who are hell bent on demonstrating that they are “money.”
Tom not only finds the behavior of debt-ridden friends, competitive co-workers and an insensitive landlord to be unacceptable. But somewhere deep within his self, he realizes that he is the source of his own problems. This knowledge intensifies his frustration, because it increases the level of guilt that he carries.
This whole attitude in which Tom spends his day is incongruent with his own deep-seated values and beliefs.
Tom is in a pickle. On one hand he believes in the values that were espoused by his parents, but on the other hand he rationalizes his thoughts and behavior with the idea that his parents lived in a different time. Life was easier for them. They had more freedom, and experienced less stress. His justifications are tethered to the idea that his parents did not have to live in a world that was as demanding as the world is now. They were not burdened with the idea that they must continually prove their acceptability. They did not have to live above their means in order to attain a higher status.
We learn from our earliest years on, to determine good from bad; and right from wrong. More profoundly however, we learn to differentiate the acceptable from unacceptable. Then we organize our thoughts and activities so we are perceived as acceptable. Any input that challenges these thoughts and activities is seen as a problem.
After learning to make judgments based on pre-determined beliefs about our acceptability and how we fit into the world, we then habitually repeat, in most situations, an automatic way of behaving. This behavioral style is predictable and does not compromise the boundaries established by our beliefs.
Tom' desire for acceptability overrides the inclination to conform with learned values and beliefs.
Tom continually contradicts his beliefs. And, he denies that he does so. Tom rationalizes his actions by convincing himself that if you want to have money, you’ve got to look “money,” and he says he is just walking his talk. His self-talk provides the needed justification for living above his means. It promotes the identity that he is so ardently trying to purport. Defining who he is, in a large part, by his home address, gives Tom a needed edge in sustaining the perception of one who is earning a high income. It gives him prestige and makes him feel like he belongs to more acceptable group.
Our identity is, in large measure, defined by the content and boundaries set around our own self-perceptions.
A dog confined to the boundaries of the back yard will eventually revisit and reinvestigate every inch of that space. Like the pet dog, we roam a territory confined within the limits of our own reality. Because we are programmed to remain within the established boundaries of our reality, we do little more than revisit the thoughts that we have previously entertained. We rehash the same thoughts and project the same point-of-view. And, this is why we repeat old patterns over again. We become very predictable in the choices we will make. Thusly we draw into our lives problems that fester because our mental confinement.
It is difficult for us to get beyond our own self-confining perceptions and judgments. Like the dog that eventually finds himself over again in one particular spot or another, similarly we find ourselves re-roaming the same mental and emotional turf. We process our thoughts through an established conduit of preprogrammed parameters, an end up presenting the mind with the repeated expectation to process the same issues, concepts and thoughts. We judge present situations just like we did prior situations. So, our choices seem to be determined automatically. This repeated pattern of choices causes the same problem to surface over and over.
It may manifest itself in a new way, or with a different person. But all the same, each problem grows from the same root.
We may look for a way out of particular problems by jumping from person to person, relationship to relationship, friend to friend, and job to job. We may look for a way out through spending money. It’s not uncommon however to discover that the next romance, person, job, activity or purchase is not the way out. Why? More next time.
NEW TOPIC
We believe that we can discover a way to move beyond our limitations for solving a problem, by seeking out a solution in the world outside our self. But in reality, we perceive the world through the limits of our own established perceptions and judgments. Essentially we lure what we see into our own mental backyard. Then we deal with it just as we have dealt with past situations, circumstances and encounters. The new lover, friend, relationship, job, activity or thing is analyzed with the same old boundaries. The “new” is eventually brought into the same old limited, “fenced-in,” restrictive way of perceiving and judging. So, the pursued solution ends up failing to solve the problem. We continually find our selves back at square one.
Relentlessly, we roam around within the boundaries of the same limited thought patterns. So old self-sabotaging ways of thinking continually arise. Long before the next choice is made, the fate of that pick is set in stone. It is determined by the reality to which we have assigned certain boundaries and limitations.
Our Limitless Reality
All of us possess a transcendent form of consciousness; which is commonly known as spirit. Yes, you do, I do, and everyone does.
This spirit, or Enlightened Power, is the mind of God. God’s mind is accessible to everyone, and by calling on the mind of God, we are enabled to move beyond the limitations of our own predictable judgmental thinking. We possess the Power to access this mind at any time. We can be one with this Enlighten Power at any place of our choosing. To enact the mind of God we need only to call on it, and allow its powers to prevail.
When the mind of God within us, is allowed to enmesh with God’s Great Cosmic Mind, then the thoughts that arise from this unity are our only source for wisdom and guidance.
The mind of God knows only love, so it does not think harmful thoughts. It knows freedom so it does not judge. It knows only strength so it does not condemn or overtake. It is fulfilled, so it doesn’t recognize jealousy. It is innocent, so it is not guided by guilt. Condemnation has neither meaning nor value, so there is no reason to blame.
When we choose to listen to the voice of God within us, we are listing to a message that flows from mind of God. This same Divine Intelligence flows to and through every part of everything in creation.
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahlil Gibran
Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule. – Friedrich Nietzsche
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. – George Bernard Shaw
Sunday’s Self Awareness Get Together
Sunday (1/25/09) we enjoyed coffee with one another, while sharing a spiritual talk, then we participated in a guided meditation. Together, we shared a very enjoyable and enlightening experience.
The spiritual talk was centered on moving to the edge of human consciousness and “stepping” into oneness with God through Divine Consciousness. We spoke of how understanding the influence of this transcendent point between the two facets of consciousness is helpful to remaining focused throughout the meditation.
The inherent mental resistance to meditation peeks at this crossover point. Awareness of how the mind reacts to this crossing point helps lower the focusing difficulties that arise during meditation.
In the guided meditation we contemplated the transcendence from restrictive thinking, to the universal spiritual law of allowance. In doing so, we allowed Divine Intelligence to facilitate our guidance through the meditation. As always we called upon the Enlightened One be present in our meditation. We were comforted by His presence.
Happiness
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love,
grace and gratitude. – Denis Waitley
"If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive"
-Mother Theresa
Divine Consciousness – Human Consciousness The following excerpt was taken from "The Summits of God-Life: Samadhi and Siddhi" by Sri Chinmoy.
Human consciousness is made up primarily of limitation, imperfection, bondage and ignorance. This consciousness wants to remain here on earth. It gets joy in the finite: in family, in society, in earthly affairs. Divine consciousness is made up of Peace, Bliss, divine Power and so forth. Its nature is to expand constantly. Human consciousness feels there is nothing more important than earthly pleasure. Divine consciousness feels there is nothing more important and significant than heavenly Joy and Bliss on earth. Human consciousness tries to convince us that we are nowhere near Truth or fulfillment. It tries to make us feel that God is somewhere else, millions of miles away from us. But divine consciousness makes us feel that God is right here, inside each life-breath, inside each heartbeat, inside everyone and everything around us.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciations. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho, Author
To Catch Up
Sunday (2/1/09) in our weekly (7:00 a.m.) self-awareness get together we spoke of the many issues and problems that arise simultaneously. Numerous concerns capture our thoughts, and it’s difficult to give ample attention to solving any single problems. We went on to take a close look at how these problems become amplified because of the worry that we devote to them. Worry fuels the intensity of our problems.
In our get together we looked at a way to move beyond the torment presented by the arising issues in our lives. We looked at a way of moving beyond the problems, but more importantly a way of transcending the value and meaning we give to those problems.
We then experienced a guided meditation, one in which we could clear the mind and take a personal role in communion with the Divine.
It was a great program. The presence of God was with us. Sometimes after completing these guided meditations we sit in silence and are moved by the peace and calm. Given all the anxiety experienced because of the economic state of affairs, its always a beautiful way to experience peaceful, loving moments with others
Sources of Inner Peace
“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”Dalai Lama
Dr. Staci from Chicago joined us this past Sunday – Hope you enjoyed your visit – Staci. Come back, you got good vibrations.
A Favorite of mine
I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me,
He can work through anyone.
-St. Francis Assisi-
Why do we meet on Sunday
I do so, so I can be one
with the core of my being.
I find that when I am
in spiritual communion with others sharing love, I not only realize who we are collectively,
but also know who I am.
For at this core there is
A Self that mystically
unites with other Selfs.
And, in love and peace, and happiness we become One
with God, perfectly centered in Divine Consciousness.
I could not ask for more.
-Love To You-
-Don Brun-
♬and in the end the love you take
is equal to the love you make ♬
John Lennon/ Paul McCartney
Our Limiting Self-Reality
We may think that problems just automatically show up in our lives, but they don’t.
Oh, I am not saying that problems don’t blind side us and appear unexpectedly. Of course they do. And I’m not saying that we consciously invite difficult situations into our lives. But we are wise to remember that, on some level, we draw into our lives the problems that we encounter. We are creators of our own personal issues. How does this happen? How do we draw problems to ourselves? Here is an explanation for you to consider.
First of all we form a belief system about ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us, then we adapt to it. Next, we try to behave within the boundaries of those beliefs about our self and how we fit into the world. In conforming to this belief system, we draw on many judgments of both our self and others. These judgments, in turn, form personal boundaries for the protection of our self-acceptability.
(Continued on the next page)
Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule. – Friedrich Nietzsche
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahlil Gibran
When we perceive behavior, or the outcome of some activity that does not conform to our way of believing we judge it as objectionable. It’s a problem.
Lets say that a landlord wants his rent by the fifth day of the month. The renter is already two month behind, and tells the landlord that the rent will be paid in its entirety, but he needs another month before he has the money. The renter, Tom, acknowledges the problem, and immediately blames the landlord for a lack of empathy, and the unwillingness to be patient.
Tom was raised by his parents to believe that bills must be paid on time, and people should live within their financial means. As a matter of fact Tom has criticized a couple of his friends who he claims are in debt because they spend more than they earn. One friend has obligated himself to huge car payments, while the other is deluged with credit card debt.
Tom brought this problem to himself. He created it. Tom has surrounded himself with men and women who perpetuate high-spending lifestyles. He and coworkers are struggling for career achievement recognition. Most desire a promotion, an admirable professional title, and a higher salary. He works in an office inundated with movers and shakers. All of who are hell bent on demonstrating that they are “money.”
Tom not only finds the behavior of debt-ridden friends, competitive co-workers and an insensitive landlord to be unacceptable. But somewhere deep within his self, he realizes that he is the source of his own problems. This knowledge intensifies his frustration, because it increases the level of guilt that he carries.
This whole attitude in which Tom spends his day is incongruent with his own deep-seated values and beliefs.
Tom is in a pickle. On one hand he believes in the values that were espoused by his parents, but on the other hand he rationalizes his thoughts and behavior with the idea that his parents lived in a different time. Life was easier for them. They had more freedom, and experienced less stress. His justifications are tethered to the idea that his parents did not have to live in a world that was as demanding as the world is now. They were not burdened with the idea that they must continually prove their acceptability. They did not have to live above their means in order to attain a higher status.
We learn from our earliest years on, to determine good from bad; and right from wrong. More profoundly however, we learn to differentiate the acceptable from unacceptable. Then we organize our thoughts and activities so we are perceived as acceptable. Any input that challenges these thoughts and activities is seen as a problem.
After learning to make judgments based on pre-determined beliefs about our acceptability and how we fit into the world, we then habitually repeat, in most situations, an automatic way of behaving. This behavioral style is predictable and does not compromise the boundaries established by our beliefs.
Tom' desire for acceptability overrides the inclination to conform with learned values and beliefs.
Tom continually contradicts his beliefs. And, he denies that he does so. Tom rationalizes his actions by convincing himself that if you want to have money, you’ve got to look “money,” and he says he is just walking his talk. His self-talk provides the needed justification for living above his means. It promotes the identity that he is so ardently trying to purport. Defining who he is, in a large part, by his home address, gives Tom a needed edge in sustaining the perception of one who is earning a high income. It gives him prestige and makes him feel like he belongs to more acceptable group.
Our identity is, in large measure, defined by the content and boundaries set around our own self-perceptions.
A dog confined to the boundaries of the back yard will eventually revisit and reinvestigate every inch of that space. Like the pet dog, we roam a territory confined within the limits of our own reality. Because we are programmed to remain within the established boundaries of our reality, we do little more than revisit the thoughts that we have previously entertained. We rehash the same thoughts and project the same point-of-view. And, this is why we repeat old patterns over again. We become very predictable in the choices we will make. Thusly we draw into our lives problems that fester because our mental confinement.
It is difficult for us to get beyond our own self-confining perceptions and judgments. Like the dog that eventually finds himself over again in one particular spot or another, similarly we find ourselves re-roaming the same mental and emotional turf. We process our thoughts through an established conduit of preprogrammed parameters, an end up presenting the mind with the repeated expectation to process the same issues, concepts and thoughts. We judge present situations just like we did prior situations. So, our choices seem to be determined automatically. This repeated pattern of choices causes the same problem to surface over and over.
It may manifest itself in a new way, or with a different person. But all the same, each problem grows from the same root.
We may look for a way out of particular problems by jumping from person to person, relationship to relationship, friend to friend, and job to job. We may look for a way out through spending money. It’s not uncommon however to discover that the next romance, person, job, activity or purchase is not the way out. Why? More next time.
NEW TOPIC
We believe that we can discover a way to move beyond our limitations for solving a problem, by seeking out a solution in the world outside our self. But in reality, we perceive the world through the limits of our own established perceptions and judgments. Essentially we lure what we see into our own mental backyard. Then we deal with it just as we have dealt with past situations, circumstances and encounters. The new lover, friend, relationship, job, activity or thing is analyzed with the same old boundaries. The “new” is eventually brought into the same old limited, “fenced-in,” restrictive way of perceiving and judging. So, the pursued solution ends up failing to solve the problem. We continually find our selves back at square one.
Relentlessly, we roam around within the boundaries of the same limited thought patterns. So old self-sabotaging ways of thinking continually arise. Long before the next choice is made, the fate of that pick is set in stone. It is determined by the reality to which we have assigned certain boundaries and limitations.
Our Limitless Reality
All of us possess a transcendent form of consciousness; which is commonly known as spirit. Yes, you do, I do, and everyone does.
This spirit, or Enlightened Power, is the mind of God. God’s mind is accessible to everyone, and by calling on the mind of God, we are enabled to move beyond the limitations of our own predictable judgmental thinking. We possess the Power to access this mind at any time. We can be one with this Enlighten Power at any place of our choosing. To enact the mind of God we need only to call on it, and allow its powers to prevail.
When the mind of God within us, is allowed to enmesh with God’s Great Cosmic Mind, then the thoughts that arise from this unity are our only source for wisdom and guidance.
The mind of God knows only love, so it does not think harmful thoughts. It knows freedom so it does not judge. It knows only strength so it does not condemn or overtake. It is fulfilled, so it doesn’t recognize jealousy. It is innocent, so it is not guided by guilt. Condemnation has neither meaning nor value, so there is no reason to blame.
When we choose to listen to the voice of God within us, we are listing to a message that flows from mind of God. This same Divine Intelligence flows to and through every part of everything in creation.
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahlil Gibran
Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule. – Friedrich Nietzsche
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. – George Bernard Shaw
Friday, August 28, 2009
Letting Go of Resentment
Resentment is a conduit for releasing anger. It is an outlet for discharging various forms of stored up frustration and hostility. A resentful person is using resentment as a way to direct his or her own internalized self-judgment on to someone else. It is a means for releasing one’s own internalized overload of mental and emotional misery.
Think of how a backyard septic system works. It’s a contraption where human waste is broken down and released back into the earth by certain organisms. When the septic system either systematically malfunctions or the organisms that break down the waste can no longer can keep up with the work load, then the functionality of the system no longer works. It backs up. The system then overflows above ground and the waste is detectable through all the senses. The fumes, odor and consistency of the human waste become unbearable to any and all who are within the general surroundings.
When we can no longer handle our internal anger, then our capability for processing the associated rage systematically malfunctions and rather than allowing the mind and emotions to process the anger in an internal fashion, it is released externally. It is directed outwardly through the resentment release opening.
Resentment can be used as a release for general anger, transferred anger or direct anger. General anger is when a gathering of feeling and/or thoughts is raised to a crescendo by a variety of happenings. That accumulation then causes one to well up with a surge of anger. Too many things have gone wrong at once.
Transferred anger is when a single specific situation, circumstance or encounter causes one to well with rage and then it is release directly onto someone who had nothing to do with the cause of the flair-up. We can get angry with things that have happened at work and take it out on a friend, lover or kids.
The third example of anger released through resentment is when the specific person who is the supposed cause of the anger is also the target of its release. In each of these three cases anger is released because of the inability of the resentful person to put his or her state of mind in perspective. And as such, blame is projected outwardly as a means to deal with a mounting internal issue. Simply, the anger can no longer be stockpiled internally. This is like hooking up a hose from the septic tank and directing it directly at someone.
Lets look at resentment by using another example. Lets say that between regularly scheduled trash pick-ups, you accumulate several bags of rubbish. And instead of placing the full bags of trash in the appropriate storage container. they are heaved onto the neighbors porch. We often deal with our anger in a like way. It is heaved onto others.
Here are some thoughts that you may want to apply when your resentment is direct at others. Remember: Anger is a happening to which a story is attached. Let go of the story and anger becomes less difficult to manage. Avoid making the incident into a huge drama.
Remember resentment is first self-directed, then directed at another. Let go of the resentment you feel toward yourself for not getting what you expect out of a situation. Release your expectations. Keep your mind in check by remaining in the moment, at at one with Super Consciousness.
Either make a shift or make a change. Create an internal shift in your point of view about those that you resent, or make a change. Make a job change, or friend change or partner change. After the change however please be aware and realize that to be at one with a state of inner-peace, you will ultimately make a shift in your perspective. You will be challenged to move away from your present state of conventional consciousness.
Prepare to release old patterns and habits. Prepare to stop being a conflict junkie. Stop condemning and rethink your position as the victim. Let go of the urge to get in the fight. Avoid the inclination to create a story that involves your concerns. You can’t play a round of golf if you do not walk up on the coarse. Keep your thoughts off the coarse and your inclination to express resentment will follow.
Allow your mind to enter a new perspective, one that is known as either Divine Consciousness or Super Consciousness. In this state on consciousness judgment does not interject havoc into our lives.
~~Don
Think of how a backyard septic system works. It’s a contraption where human waste is broken down and released back into the earth by certain organisms. When the septic system either systematically malfunctions or the organisms that break down the waste can no longer can keep up with the work load, then the functionality of the system no longer works. It backs up. The system then overflows above ground and the waste is detectable through all the senses. The fumes, odor and consistency of the human waste become unbearable to any and all who are within the general surroundings.
When we can no longer handle our internal anger, then our capability for processing the associated rage systematically malfunctions and rather than allowing the mind and emotions to process the anger in an internal fashion, it is released externally. It is directed outwardly through the resentment release opening.
Resentment can be used as a release for general anger, transferred anger or direct anger. General anger is when a gathering of feeling and/or thoughts is raised to a crescendo by a variety of happenings. That accumulation then causes one to well up with a surge of anger. Too many things have gone wrong at once.
Transferred anger is when a single specific situation, circumstance or encounter causes one to well with rage and then it is release directly onto someone who had nothing to do with the cause of the flair-up. We can get angry with things that have happened at work and take it out on a friend, lover or kids.
The third example of anger released through resentment is when the specific person who is the supposed cause of the anger is also the target of its release. In each of these three cases anger is released because of the inability of the resentful person to put his or her state of mind in perspective. And as such, blame is projected outwardly as a means to deal with a mounting internal issue. Simply, the anger can no longer be stockpiled internally. This is like hooking up a hose from the septic tank and directing it directly at someone.
Lets look at resentment by using another example. Lets say that between regularly scheduled trash pick-ups, you accumulate several bags of rubbish. And instead of placing the full bags of trash in the appropriate storage container. they are heaved onto the neighbors porch. We often deal with our anger in a like way. It is heaved onto others.
Here are some thoughts that you may want to apply when your resentment is direct at others. Remember: Anger is a happening to which a story is attached. Let go of the story and anger becomes less difficult to manage. Avoid making the incident into a huge drama.
Remember resentment is first self-directed, then directed at another. Let go of the resentment you feel toward yourself for not getting what you expect out of a situation. Release your expectations. Keep your mind in check by remaining in the moment, at at one with Super Consciousness.
Either make a shift or make a change. Create an internal shift in your point of view about those that you resent, or make a change. Make a job change, or friend change or partner change. After the change however please be aware and realize that to be at one with a state of inner-peace, you will ultimately make a shift in your perspective. You will be challenged to move away from your present state of conventional consciousness.
Prepare to release old patterns and habits. Prepare to stop being a conflict junkie. Stop condemning and rethink your position as the victim. Let go of the urge to get in the fight. Avoid the inclination to create a story that involves your concerns. You can’t play a round of golf if you do not walk up on the coarse. Keep your thoughts off the coarse and your inclination to express resentment will follow.
Allow your mind to enter a new perspective, one that is known as either Divine Consciousness or Super Consciousness. In this state on consciousness judgment does not interject havoc into our lives.
~~Don
Friday, August 21, 2009
Getting Beyond Deception and Betrayal
We can focus a whole-hearted and unconditional effort into cultivating and perpetuating a friendship, or relationship only to, one day, meet up with a devastating surprise. The devastation occurs when someone compromises the mutual camaraderie by being treasonous. It can happen at work, home, and with romantic partners.
If a co-worker, friend, or lover has ever encroached upon your trustfulness with deceptive words or actions, then you have pretty good recognition of the feeling that goes along with being the victim of unexpected deceit. You know what it is like to be with a person in one way, and in hours or days discover that he or she was disloyal to the relationship.
Deceit occurs to various degrees and measures. Members of some professions are prone to the practice of deceptive and manipulative tactics. Society in general, on an on going basis, is exposed to deceitfulness and disloyalty. In almost every newscast, a story is articled where the actions of a politician or civil leader is held in questionable judgment. We see deceit and deception all around us. It has become an indelible visible stain on the human condition.
But when one of us is personally betrayed by the deceitful actions of another who is close to us, then we experience a lasting and numbing betrayal hangover. The mental effects are heavy and lasting, and the emotional rushes are harsh and persistent. If you have been betrayed by a lover, friend, neighbor or co-worker then you can relate to the intense blasting sting of pain that is caused by this deception.
The first thought many people experience when being deceived is: “I can’t believe that this person would do this to me.” They become stuck in thoughts that rehash the betrayal. They think of the trust that they put into the relationship and wonder how someone could rape that trust with deliberate deception. The fact is it does happen, and will continue to happen. There is little we can do to stop it, but there is a lot that we can accomplish in modifying our response to it.
I think of betray as a Hurricane Katrina like event. Ahead of the event itself, we are often either told or intuitively detect warnings that something is amiss. Tell-tale signs say that something out of the usual, and subtly detectable is occurring. Then with a wrenching and sudden impact the breach shows up. The hurricane hits. The betrayal is exposed. In response, those affected by the disaster must do what they can to survive. The betrayed victim will scamper for ways to deal with the shock. Then comes the “I can’t believe it” stage. After a hurricane the devastation is viewed, and after a betrayal the incident and surrounding circumstances are replayed in the mind.
Next comes the clean-up and mending. After a betrayal comes the healing. Often extreme emotions overtake the betrayed one. He or she experiences extreme anxiety along with blame, disbelief and anger.
How do we get beyond this lingering stage of bitterness, humiliation, and distrust? My suggestion is to get involved with the Zen practice of mindful meditation. This type of meditative practice that allows the mind to bring to the forefront all thoughts and feelings, then just as each thought and feeling enters the mind, it is correspondingly let go. This mindful meditation practice gives way to loosening the victim’s attachment to the disdainful feelings. Letting go of hurt can be otherwise arduous. Mindful meditation however allows the mind to become detached from the pain.
Everything that the betrayed one experiences is in the mind. We cannot heal a past situation, or redirect what has already happened. We can only heal the mind, our own mind. And once the mind is set properly on course, then we can create future situations with a new perspective and therefore experience different outcomes. This story of two monks may better make the point. It goes like this: A flag was flapping in the wind when one monk expressed to the other that the flag was moving.
The second monk immediately corrected the other by exclaiming that it was the wind that was moving. A passing monk stopped and interjected: it is neither the wind or flag, but your mind that is moving. All things are first perceived and thusly gain perspective in the mind. Once a person is betrayed then the mind perceives the betrayal as one’s individual habitual thought pattern informs it to do so. Next, the betrayal is framed permanently according to the mind’s pre-trained point of view.
How does mindful meditation help? It does so by allowing the betrayal to be placed in a balanced perspective. Meditation allows us to place our mind on a peaceful, free, and open course. In meditation we don’t strive to be dismissive. We do however become entrenched in the practice of allowing the mind to become cleared of old patterns and ways of thinking.
We learn to view our thoughts much as a person sitting at a bus stop would view passing vehicles and pedestrians. We see our thoughts through an objective perspective. As each one arises, it is let go, then replaced with focused concentration on the rise and fall of our breath.
This change in concentration, over time, allows the mind to settle down and clear the way to open and honest thinking. An open mind is absent of bias and prejudice. It is not entangled in stressed-out thinking nor caught up in vengefulness, accusation or self-blame. An open and empty mind is predisposed to the guidance of Super Consciousness. It is open to the voice of God. In this state of unblemished and un-slanted consciousness, we gain insightfulness to our true nature, our real identity, and to how we fit into the world.
Through this insight we learn how to lovingly handle the betrayals that are directed at both our self and others. We learn how to bring love into the situations and encounters that arise in our lives. By participating in guided mindful meditation practice on a continual basis we realize how we bring into our lives the incidents and influences that initiate and perpetuate both mental and emotional distress.
Through our contact with Super Consciousness we also learn, not only how to forgive but also the value of forgiveness. We see those that betray us with a Divine vision, an enlightened mind. In short we see without judgment or the desire for a specific outcome. We learn to view the world without wanting to indulge a specific motive or need. And when we do so we are free. We learn to love and appreciate who we are. We recognize the divine qualities that thrive within us. We learn to release anger, condemnation and blame. db
If a co-worker, friend, or lover has ever encroached upon your trustfulness with deceptive words or actions, then you have pretty good recognition of the feeling that goes along with being the victim of unexpected deceit. You know what it is like to be with a person in one way, and in hours or days discover that he or she was disloyal to the relationship.
Deceit occurs to various degrees and measures. Members of some professions are prone to the practice of deceptive and manipulative tactics. Society in general, on an on going basis, is exposed to deceitfulness and disloyalty. In almost every newscast, a story is articled where the actions of a politician or civil leader is held in questionable judgment. We see deceit and deception all around us. It has become an indelible visible stain on the human condition.
But when one of us is personally betrayed by the deceitful actions of another who is close to us, then we experience a lasting and numbing betrayal hangover. The mental effects are heavy and lasting, and the emotional rushes are harsh and persistent. If you have been betrayed by a lover, friend, neighbor or co-worker then you can relate to the intense blasting sting of pain that is caused by this deception.
The first thought many people experience when being deceived is: “I can’t believe that this person would do this to me.” They become stuck in thoughts that rehash the betrayal. They think of the trust that they put into the relationship and wonder how someone could rape that trust with deliberate deception. The fact is it does happen, and will continue to happen. There is little we can do to stop it, but there is a lot that we can accomplish in modifying our response to it.
I think of betray as a Hurricane Katrina like event. Ahead of the event itself, we are often either told or intuitively detect warnings that something is amiss. Tell-tale signs say that something out of the usual, and subtly detectable is occurring. Then with a wrenching and sudden impact the breach shows up. The hurricane hits. The betrayal is exposed. In response, those affected by the disaster must do what they can to survive. The betrayed victim will scamper for ways to deal with the shock. Then comes the “I can’t believe it” stage. After a hurricane the devastation is viewed, and after a betrayal the incident and surrounding circumstances are replayed in the mind.
Next comes the clean-up and mending. After a betrayal comes the healing. Often extreme emotions overtake the betrayed one. He or she experiences extreme anxiety along with blame, disbelief and anger.
How do we get beyond this lingering stage of bitterness, humiliation, and distrust? My suggestion is to get involved with the Zen practice of mindful meditation. This type of meditative practice that allows the mind to bring to the forefront all thoughts and feelings, then just as each thought and feeling enters the mind, it is correspondingly let go. This mindful meditation practice gives way to loosening the victim’s attachment to the disdainful feelings. Letting go of hurt can be otherwise arduous. Mindful meditation however allows the mind to become detached from the pain.
Everything that the betrayed one experiences is in the mind. We cannot heal a past situation, or redirect what has already happened. We can only heal the mind, our own mind. And once the mind is set properly on course, then we can create future situations with a new perspective and therefore experience different outcomes. This story of two monks may better make the point. It goes like this: A flag was flapping in the wind when one monk expressed to the other that the flag was moving.
The second monk immediately corrected the other by exclaiming that it was the wind that was moving. A passing monk stopped and interjected: it is neither the wind or flag, but your mind that is moving. All things are first perceived and thusly gain perspective in the mind. Once a person is betrayed then the mind perceives the betrayal as one’s individual habitual thought pattern informs it to do so. Next, the betrayal is framed permanently according to the mind’s pre-trained point of view.
How does mindful meditation help? It does so by allowing the betrayal to be placed in a balanced perspective. Meditation allows us to place our mind on a peaceful, free, and open course. In meditation we don’t strive to be dismissive. We do however become entrenched in the practice of allowing the mind to become cleared of old patterns and ways of thinking.
We learn to view our thoughts much as a person sitting at a bus stop would view passing vehicles and pedestrians. We see our thoughts through an objective perspective. As each one arises, it is let go, then replaced with focused concentration on the rise and fall of our breath.
This change in concentration, over time, allows the mind to settle down and clear the way to open and honest thinking. An open mind is absent of bias and prejudice. It is not entangled in stressed-out thinking nor caught up in vengefulness, accusation or self-blame. An open and empty mind is predisposed to the guidance of Super Consciousness. It is open to the voice of God. In this state of unblemished and un-slanted consciousness, we gain insightfulness to our true nature, our real identity, and to how we fit into the world.
Through this insight we learn how to lovingly handle the betrayals that are directed at both our self and others. We learn how to bring love into the situations and encounters that arise in our lives. By participating in guided mindful meditation practice on a continual basis we realize how we bring into our lives the incidents and influences that initiate and perpetuate both mental and emotional distress.
Through our contact with Super Consciousness we also learn, not only how to forgive but also the value of forgiveness. We see those that betray us with a Divine vision, an enlightened mind. In short we see without judgment or the desire for a specific outcome. We learn to view the world without wanting to indulge a specific motive or need. And when we do so we are free. We learn to love and appreciate who we are. We recognize the divine qualities that thrive within us. We learn to release anger, condemnation and blame. db
Friday, August 14, 2009
Love Letters from Don: 8/14/09
I love you not only for what you are, but for
what I am when I am with you. I love you not
only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part
of me that you bring out....Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
The greatest pleasure of life is love....William Temple
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving... -Amy Carmichael.
Life is a journey, and love is what makes that journey worthwhile....Unknown
Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams . Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all -- one known only by those who love....Unknown
DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS
May today, peace be within you. May you trust in yourself, may you trust in God. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received through your faith, and share them, as acts of love, with the world. May you be content knowing that you animate the breath of Divine Consciousness. May you be content knowing that you give form to the spirit of Divine Consciousness, let It’s presence, and this truth settle into your being. Allow your soul the freedom to sing, to dance, and to bask in the luminous light of Love. It is there for you. It is you. And so It is. (Inspired by St Theresa’s Prayer Source – Christhal Bennett
Have a great week
The greatest pleasure of life is love....William Temple
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving... -Amy Carmichael.
Life is a journey, and love is what makes that journey worthwhile....Unknown
Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams . Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all -- one known only by those who love....Unknown
DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS
May today, peace be within you. May you trust in yourself, may you trust in God. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received through your faith, and share them, as acts of love, with the world. May you be content knowing that you animate the breath of Divine Consciousness. May you be content knowing that you give form to the spirit of Divine Consciousness, let It’s presence, and this truth settle into your being. Allow your soul the freedom to sing, to dance, and to bask in the luminous light of Love. It is there for you. It is you. And so It is. (Inspired by St Theresa’s Prayer Source – Christhal Bennett
Have a great week
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Our Limiting Self-Reality
We may think that problems just automatically show up in our lives, but they don’t.
Oh, I am not saying that problems don’t blind side us and appear unexpectedly. Of course they do. And I’m not saying that we consciously invite difficult situations into our lives. But we are wise to remember that, on some level, we draw into our lives the problems that we encounter. We are creators of our own personal issues. How does this happen? How do we draw problems to ourselves? Here is an explanation for you to consider.
First of all we form a belief system about ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us, then we adapt to it. Next, we try to behave within the boundaries of those beliefs about our self and how we fit into the world. In conforming to this belief system, we draw on many judgments of both our self and others. Using these judgments we, in turn, make choices. Problems are then drawn to us by virtue of the way we perceive, judge and choose.
When we perceive behavior, or the outcome of some activity that does not conform to our way of believing we judge it as objectionable. It’s a problem. On the other hand when actions and behavior conform to the belief about who we are and how be fit in the world then a positive judgment is made.
Lets say that a landlord wants his rent by the fifth day of the month. The renter is already two month behind, and tells the landlord that the rent will be paid in its entirety, but another month’s time is needed before he can put the money together. The renter, Tom, acknowledges the problem, and immediately blames the landlord for the lack of empathy, and the unwillingness to be patient.
Tom feels guilty about his problem because he was raised to believe that bills must be paid on time, and people should live within their financial means. As a matter of fact Tom has criticized a couple of his friends who he claims are in debt because they spend more than they earn. One friend has obligated himself to huge car payments, while the other is deluged with credit card debt.
How was Tom’s problem created? Tom brought this problem to himself. He created it. Tom has predisposed himself to financial problems and more specifically the issues presently developing with the landlord. He has surrounded himself with men and women who perpetuate high-spending lifestyles. He and coworkers are struggling for recognition. Most desire a promotion; an admirable professional title; and a higher salary. He works in an office inundated with shakers and movers. All of who are hell-bent on demonstrating that they are “money.” To a large measure these co-workers are flagrant spenders.
Tom not only finds the behavior of debt-ridden friends; competitive co-workers; and insensitive landlord to be unacceptable, but somewhere deep down within his self he realizes that he is the source of his own problems. He realizes that he is incessantly in pursuit of acceptability. This knowledge intensifies his frustration, because it increases the level of guilt that he carries.
Tom is in a pickle. On one hand he believes in the values that were espoused by his parents, but on the other hand he rationalizes his thoughts and behavior with the idea that his parents lived in a different time. Life was easier for them. Simple values were more applicable when his parents were younger; things were more black and white. They enjoyed more freedom, and experienced less stress; and were not judged as harshly by friends and peers. His justifications are tethered to the idea that his parents did not have to live in a world that was as demanding as the world is now. They were not burdened with the idea that they must continually prove their acceptability. Tom has convinced himself that he has no choice other than to live what his parents call a “charade.” If he wants to be successful, he must demonstrate that he possesses the spoils of success. Hence, he obligated himself to the foreboding situation with his landlord. Toms says that this so-called “charade” is in fact his reality.
This whole attitude in which Tom spends his day is congruent with causing and perpetuating his problems.
Like Tom, most of us learn from our earliest years on, to determine good from bad; and right from wrong. More profoundly however, we learn to differentiate the acceptable from unacceptable. Then, we organize our thoughts and activities so we are perceived as acceptable. Often otherwise good and righteous behavior must be trumped by actions that elevate one’s perceived acceptability. Tom’s self-promoting actions are created out of the desire to be judged by others as acceptable. More specifically he wants to be perceived as a savant amongst his peer group and career competitors. Any input that challenges these aspirations is viewed as a problem. Vigilantly, his self-image is guarded.
After continually making judgments based on pre-determined beliefs about our acceptability and how we fit into the world, we then habitually repeat, with slight variation, an automatic way of behaving.
Tom feels guilty because he is behaving in a way that inconsistent with values passed on by his parents, however the contradictory behavior is predictable because his desire for acceptability overrides the inclination to conform with learned values and beliefs.
Tom continually contradicts his beliefs. And, he denies that he does so. He rationalizes his contradictory actions by convincing himself that if you want to have money, you’ve got to look “money,” and he says he is just walking his talk. His self-talk provides the needed justification for living above his means. It promotes the identity that he is so ardently trying to project. Defining who he is, in a large part by his home address, gives Tom a needed edge in sustaining the perception of one who is earning a high income. It gives him prestige and makes him feel like he belongs to more acceptable group.
Our identity is defined by boundaries that mark the limits of our reality, and retard our ability to enter another reality. So our perceptions and judgments are confined within those boundaries. Thusly we may live an entire life with only a glimpse of the Divine peace and freedom that lies beyond the limits of our self-promoting thoughts. So we continually roam the same reality, with the same thoughts, in search of a way to justify who we are and how we fit in the world.
A dog confined to the boundaries of the back yard will eventually revisit and reinvestigate every inch of that space. Like the pet dog, we roam a territory confined within the limits of our own reality. Because we remain within the established boundaries of our reality, we do little more than revisit the thoughts that we have previously entertained. We rehash the same thoughts and project the same point-of-view. And, this is why we repeat old patterns over again. We become very predictable in the choices we will make. Thusly we draw into our lives problems that fester because this mental confinement.
It is difficult for us to get beyond our own self-confining perceptions and judgments. Like the dog that eventually finds himself over again in one particular spot or another, similarly we find ourselves re-roaming the same mental and emotional turf. We process our thoughts through an established conduit of preprogrammed parameters, an end up presenting the mind with the repeated expectation to process the same issues, concepts and thoughts. We judge present situations just like we did prior situations. So, our choices seem to be determined automatically. This repeated pattern of choices causes the same problem to surface over and over. It may manifest itself in a new way, or with a different person. But all the same, each problem grows from the same source root.
We may look for a way out of particular problems by jumping from person to person, relationship to relationship, friend to friend, and job to job. We may look for a way out through spending money. It’s not uncommon however to discover that the next romance, person, job, activity or purchase is not the way out. Why? More next time.
Oh, I am not saying that problems don’t blind side us and appear unexpectedly. Of course they do. And I’m not saying that we consciously invite difficult situations into our lives. But we are wise to remember that, on some level, we draw into our lives the problems that we encounter. We are creators of our own personal issues. How does this happen? How do we draw problems to ourselves? Here is an explanation for you to consider.
First of all we form a belief system about ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us, then we adapt to it. Next, we try to behave within the boundaries of those beliefs about our self and how we fit into the world. In conforming to this belief system, we draw on many judgments of both our self and others. Using these judgments we, in turn, make choices. Problems are then drawn to us by virtue of the way we perceive, judge and choose.
When we perceive behavior, or the outcome of some activity that does not conform to our way of believing we judge it as objectionable. It’s a problem. On the other hand when actions and behavior conform to the belief about who we are and how be fit in the world then a positive judgment is made.
Lets say that a landlord wants his rent by the fifth day of the month. The renter is already two month behind, and tells the landlord that the rent will be paid in its entirety, but another month’s time is needed before he can put the money together. The renter, Tom, acknowledges the problem, and immediately blames the landlord for the lack of empathy, and the unwillingness to be patient.
Tom feels guilty about his problem because he was raised to believe that bills must be paid on time, and people should live within their financial means. As a matter of fact Tom has criticized a couple of his friends who he claims are in debt because they spend more than they earn. One friend has obligated himself to huge car payments, while the other is deluged with credit card debt.
How was Tom’s problem created? Tom brought this problem to himself. He created it. Tom has predisposed himself to financial problems and more specifically the issues presently developing with the landlord. He has surrounded himself with men and women who perpetuate high-spending lifestyles. He and coworkers are struggling for recognition. Most desire a promotion; an admirable professional title; and a higher salary. He works in an office inundated with shakers and movers. All of who are hell-bent on demonstrating that they are “money.” To a large measure these co-workers are flagrant spenders.
Tom not only finds the behavior of debt-ridden friends; competitive co-workers; and insensitive landlord to be unacceptable, but somewhere deep down within his self he realizes that he is the source of his own problems. He realizes that he is incessantly in pursuit of acceptability. This knowledge intensifies his frustration, because it increases the level of guilt that he carries.
Tom is in a pickle. On one hand he believes in the values that were espoused by his parents, but on the other hand he rationalizes his thoughts and behavior with the idea that his parents lived in a different time. Life was easier for them. Simple values were more applicable when his parents were younger; things were more black and white. They enjoyed more freedom, and experienced less stress; and were not judged as harshly by friends and peers. His justifications are tethered to the idea that his parents did not have to live in a world that was as demanding as the world is now. They were not burdened with the idea that they must continually prove their acceptability. Tom has convinced himself that he has no choice other than to live what his parents call a “charade.” If he wants to be successful, he must demonstrate that he possesses the spoils of success. Hence, he obligated himself to the foreboding situation with his landlord. Toms says that this so-called “charade” is in fact his reality.
This whole attitude in which Tom spends his day is congruent with causing and perpetuating his problems.
Like Tom, most of us learn from our earliest years on, to determine good from bad; and right from wrong. More profoundly however, we learn to differentiate the acceptable from unacceptable. Then, we organize our thoughts and activities so we are perceived as acceptable. Often otherwise good and righteous behavior must be trumped by actions that elevate one’s perceived acceptability. Tom’s self-promoting actions are created out of the desire to be judged by others as acceptable. More specifically he wants to be perceived as a savant amongst his peer group and career competitors. Any input that challenges these aspirations is viewed as a problem. Vigilantly, his self-image is guarded.
After continually making judgments based on pre-determined beliefs about our acceptability and how we fit into the world, we then habitually repeat, with slight variation, an automatic way of behaving.
Tom feels guilty because he is behaving in a way that inconsistent with values passed on by his parents, however the contradictory behavior is predictable because his desire for acceptability overrides the inclination to conform with learned values and beliefs.
Tom continually contradicts his beliefs. And, he denies that he does so. He rationalizes his contradictory actions by convincing himself that if you want to have money, you’ve got to look “money,” and he says he is just walking his talk. His self-talk provides the needed justification for living above his means. It promotes the identity that he is so ardently trying to project. Defining who he is, in a large part by his home address, gives Tom a needed edge in sustaining the perception of one who is earning a high income. It gives him prestige and makes him feel like he belongs to more acceptable group.
Our identity is defined by boundaries that mark the limits of our reality, and retard our ability to enter another reality. So our perceptions and judgments are confined within those boundaries. Thusly we may live an entire life with only a glimpse of the Divine peace and freedom that lies beyond the limits of our self-promoting thoughts. So we continually roam the same reality, with the same thoughts, in search of a way to justify who we are and how we fit in the world.
A dog confined to the boundaries of the back yard will eventually revisit and reinvestigate every inch of that space. Like the pet dog, we roam a territory confined within the limits of our own reality. Because we remain within the established boundaries of our reality, we do little more than revisit the thoughts that we have previously entertained. We rehash the same thoughts and project the same point-of-view. And, this is why we repeat old patterns over again. We become very predictable in the choices we will make. Thusly we draw into our lives problems that fester because this mental confinement.
It is difficult for us to get beyond our own self-confining perceptions and judgments. Like the dog that eventually finds himself over again in one particular spot or another, similarly we find ourselves re-roaming the same mental and emotional turf. We process our thoughts through an established conduit of preprogrammed parameters, an end up presenting the mind with the repeated expectation to process the same issues, concepts and thoughts. We judge present situations just like we did prior situations. So, our choices seem to be determined automatically. This repeated pattern of choices causes the same problem to surface over and over. It may manifest itself in a new way, or with a different person. But all the same, each problem grows from the same source root.
We may look for a way out of particular problems by jumping from person to person, relationship to relationship, friend to friend, and job to job. We may look for a way out through spending money. It’s not uncommon however to discover that the next romance, person, job, activity or purchase is not the way out. Why? More next time.
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